I opened my eyes. But it wasn't relief that I felt first.

It was the fear that was still holding me hostage, the leash so tight I wondered how I was breathing.

The hidden morning sun, the body clock that confirmed the light, the phone alarm set to go off at any moment,

but the significance of a new day is wasted upon me.

After a few moments with my cousin who had just awoken from her deep slumber, I picked myself up from the bed.

And then I slouched, slumped against the wall and slowly fell to the floor.

I closed my eyes.

The glimmering sunlight through the blinds weren't as powerful as the horrid images that ran through my head like an old black and white film, refusing to switch off.

But they kept going.

I pulled the hood of my jacket down, covered my eyes.

I silently longed for them to stop and disappear.

So tired... but so afraid to go back.

And suddenly, I felt it.

An emptiness where it used to be.

I waited several moments and it became a very loud emptiness that sent me into a descent of panic.

Oh God, there's an overwhelming desire to feel it beating.

I put my hands against my jacket. Nothing.

I dug through to the next layer of my cotton long-sleeved shirt. Still nothing.

Against the warmth of my body, I desperately searched for it... And when I found it, I stubbornly pressed my fingers onto my left wrist.

Yes, it was there. Strangely calm.

And I still closed my eyes again... wanting to wake up in last night when everything was still okay.

***********

An hour more to sleep and I get the worst nightmare, after 2 already not-so-nice dreams. So much for making it 8 hours of sleep. Now I feel like I haven't slept in 2 days...

Last night, I was gonna tell you guys about this place Trinity and I found, but someone made a better offer and I think it's almost definite we've lost it. I refused to offer a higher price, because... well, I'm not falling for it, whether or not that higher offer exists.

I hate it when people take me for joyrides, expecting me to be completely oblivious and stupid to their dumb tricks and follies, or be completely grateful and kiss their feet when they stop the damn ride. Rip someone else off, why don't you?

Cis... since my day is starting out horrid, I hope you guys have a brilliant day to make up for it! :)