I'm really sorry that I am the way I am.... I know it's hard to put up with me. I'm not used to this, and it looks like I'm going to take awhile to fully immerse myself in this again. I've been trying to keep myself as independent and strong as possible for so long that admitting my weakness to someone who would've been a complete stranger only such a short period of time ago is not something I'm used to doing.

I know you care and only wish to help, but I don't take too kindly to repeated offers of help. I just feel incompetent, and that I can't deal with what life throws at me, even the simple everyday things. I can't always expect life to be a bed of roses; I'm used to it being a bed of nails, and that some part of me expects to fall back on it very soon. I can almost feel them digging into my back now.

So if I'm being difficult by refusing to take your hand, it's not because of you. It's just my old habits that I can't wash away in a week, a month.. or a year. People leave scars everywhere that still hurt at the slightest touch and you learn not to volunteer to be a victim again. Being stranded has almost become an ultimate fear of mine, and maybe I'm looking too far forward into some pessimistic future, but I just can't be the weak and submissive girl I used to be, whose happiness depended on other people to give.

... Are you regretting this?