I opened my eyes. But it wasn't relief that I felt first.

It was the fear that was still holding me hostage, the leash so tight I wondered how I was breathing.

The hidden morning sun, the body clock that confirmed the light, the phone alarm set to go off at any moment,

but the significance of a new day is wasted upon me.

After a few moments with my cousin who had just awoken from her deep slumber, I picked myself up from the bed.

And then I slouched, slumped against the wall and slowly fell to the floor.

I closed my eyes.

The glimmering sunlight through the blinds weren't as powerful as the horrid images that ran through my head like an old black and white film, refusing to switch off.

But they kept going.

I pulled the hood of my jacket down, covered my eyes.

I silently longed for them to stop and disappear.

So tired... but so afraid to go back.

And suddenly, I felt it.

An emptiness where it used to be.

I waited several moments and it became a very loud emptiness that sent me into a descent of panic.

Oh God, there's an overwhelming desire to feel it beating.

I put my hands against my jacket. Nothing.

I dug through to the next layer of my cotton long-sleeved shirt. Still nothing.

Against the warmth of my body, I desperately searched for it... And when I found it, I stubbornly pressed my fingers onto my left wrist.

Yes, it was there. Strangely calm.

And I still closed my eyes again... wanting to wake up in last night when everything was still okay.

***********

An hour more to sleep and I get the worst nightmare, after 2 already not-so-nice dreams. So much for making it 8 hours of sleep. Now I feel like I haven't slept in 2 days...

Last night, I was gonna tell you guys about this place Trinity and I found, but someone made a better offer and I think it's almost definite we've lost it. I refused to offer a higher price, because... well, I'm not falling for it, whether or not that higher offer exists.

I hate it when people take me for joyrides, expecting me to be completely oblivious and stupid to their dumb tricks and follies, or be completely grateful and kiss their feet when they stop the damn ride. Rip someone else off, why don't you?

Cis... since my day is starting out horrid, I hope you guys have a brilliant day to make up for it! :)

Laziness + Choosiness + Lack of $$$ = No habitat home
No home = no Internet
No Internet = no blogging

The equations aren't hard, but I have trouble accepting them. :(

I'll be back soon! I can't survive without my dose of blogs anyway.

(Yah, this yells 'addict', right?)

Read Fuckstress' rant on BOOBS!! Hehe, you got that right!
I couldn't stop laughing!
This blog still caters to an audience above.. uh.. 15 years of age. Bugger off if you're not 15! Or 16! Or 17!
I'm seventeen, yay!
Yah, if you turn 17 in November just the way I turn 18 in November... go away!
...
Okay, fine.
Stay, hmmph.

Trust Merv to be so bitchy as to tag me when he thinks I'm not looking. Hehehe, kidding. You know I love you. ;)

10 YEARS AGO I WAS :
Probably still biting and pinching my younger brother as we fought and trying to avoid or hide the dreaded cane.

5 YEARS AGO I WAS :
Experiencing puberty, thought I had the best friends in the world and no one could ever hurt our friendship. We don't talk anymore.

1 YEAR AGO I WAS :
Living in boarding school, walking over to next door to talk and gossip with my friends, counselling one of my closest friends with her problems with guys. I hardly see most of them nowadays but we keep in touch.

YESTERDAY I WAS :
Jamie Oliver in the kitchen when I made a salad and licked my fingers that still had dressing on them.

5 MOST RECENT SONGS I LISTENED TO :
Nick Lachey's 'What's Left Of Me' (I hate this song, it was playing in the bank)
Coldplay's The Scientist
The Bangles' Eternal Flame
Damien Rice's The Blower's Daughter
Norah Jones' Come Away With Me

5 SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO :
Death Cab For Cutie's A Lack of Color
James Blunt's Goodbye My Lover
Firehouse's I Live My Life For You
Bryan Adams' Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman
Michelle Branch's Tuesday Morning

IDEAL PLACES FOR RUNNING AWAY TO :
Anywhere in the city. I once went to Starbucks and cried my eyes out. =P
Any cafe.
When I get a new place, it'll be my room.

5 THINGS I REALLY WANT :
Do well this semester
Learn how to play the guitar
To be home for Chinese New Year
My family to be happy
Answer all the questions that I've tried to keep hidden in the crevices of my head, like did you ever want me? If she hadn't waltzed back into your life, would you still be with me?

5 THINGS I SHOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW :
Looking for a place to live. And that's it.

5 BIGGEST JOYS IN MY LIFE :
My family
My friends
My blog
My chill-out time
All the good food and music (yeah, I'm cheating) the world has to offer

5 PEOPLE I TAG :
Trinity
Timber Rabbit
Kyels
and you
and you, if you didn't comprehend that the first time. ;)

Argh, back in Brissy. I can't believe I'm blogging from the uni library AGAIN. Trinity's sorting out her enrolment rubbish as we speak. Last night, we went to one of her orientation week talks and I fell asleep. According to her, people were looking at me and she tried nudging me but I felt nothing. I did that today as well but no one noticed, phew.

The flight here was alright, though their sense of timing is absolutely horrendous. We departed at 11pm and supper was at 1 am. 1 fricking am! I still don't understand the reasoning behind this. Obviously, they should've fed us and let us sleep. DOH! I didn't get much sleep either. I got the window seat and somehow, I felt very claustrophobic. Breakfast was a very disgusting roll and I only took 2 tiny bits before I gave up trying to fill my stomach.

But then again, their lousy timing allowed me to watch Gubra before some shut-eye. I want that VCD/DVD, dammit. Alan Yun is bloody hot, okay? Seriously drool-worthy. I don't know why but I can't bring myself to compare Gubra with Sepet, despite it being the sequel. To me, they seem like 2 completely different movies, yet so similar. I'm not making sense, right? :) The Malaysian-ness of the movie made me feel more hatred towards Brisbane, lol.

Anyway, Fashionasia asked when I'd be posting the answers to 'Do You Read The Femes Blogs?' I didn't realise that anyone would want the answers but here they are! :) You guys can check the answers out yourself, if you didn't already know them:

1) Kenny Sia suggested sticking sanitary pads on lousy soccer balls to make it look like the Adidas Teamgeist.
2) Minishorts has previously promoted EPO. Pixart too.
3) Shaolin Tiger, Kimberly Cun, Minishorts.
4) Malaysia Best, Just Heavenly, Babe In The City.
5) 5X Mom.
6) It means THIS.
7) Who else but Vincent?
8) Beautiful Kyels.
9) The one with that jump: Smashp0p.
10) Funny Jay.
11) Anorexic + Bulimic BryanBoy.
12) Swifty IS great!
13) Fire Angel, Joyce The Fairy, Jasiminne The Penguin, Pink Pau, Kimberly Cun, Cheesie.
14) He means to say Suan rocks and Jogoya buffets are very worthwhile.
15) TV Smith's 2 Sen
16) Eyeris thinks Fireangel has the cutest smile.
17) Funny wuxia writer could only be Viewtru.
18) Jeff Ooi's Screenshots. Or you could visit Potshots?
19) If you love football, head over to Hantu Bola, by the Petaling Street Hooligans.
20) Regine = Michael Ooi's daughter.
21) Leng Mou was started by Boss Stewie and Boss Lepton.
22) Joe Rodrigo = Tiger Joe the manwhore
23) Huai Bin's pen name is Killuminati.

Now that I've finished writing the answers, I'd really like to say that I hate HTML. :P

*Sigh* Hello again, Brisbane.

Venue: KLCC Park
When: Last Saturday evening

I missed the part where tears started falling, which is good, cause I'm never good at concealing emotions! Even if Trinity IS coming to Brisbane with me, tee-hee.

I didn't mix around much with her friends from college. Mostly, I sat around talking to Yin Yin, one of Trinity's oldest friends, Neng, Jehan, my bro, and the star of the party itself. So these are the pictures that I hope stay in my head for always, the yardstick of what good days should be like:


(L to R) Neng, me, Yin Yin, Trinity, Jeremy
(Below) Jehan

Neng, Trinity and Jehan are single.

*innocent*


Something yummy this way comes!
If I didn't know better, I'd say we were reverse cam-whoring.
But of course, we weren't.
Yup, that's bad, lol.


If you three didn't already know, you guys mean a lot to me. :) Wish I could've spent more time with both of you crazy guys who decided to 'swim' in the KLCC fountain! Next time around!

Hugs and all my love,
Alynna.

Guess what?!!

Oh, don't bother. =P

I finally had my Haagen Dazs fondue! Yay!


Come closer. You know you want to. ;)


The chocolate was meant to be warm and yummylicious. Too bad by the time it got warm, we had almost finished the 'lauk'. Tee-hee.


Not even Godiva was tempting at this moment. Na-ah!


And tiny bits of Haagen Dazs ice-cream? Completely irresistible!

Thanks to Vincent for picking me up, buying the entire works (lunch, dessert), the little surprise and sending me home. :)

I promised my lil bro that my mom and I would make cheesecake when I get back. We finally fulfilled that promise!



I know it doesn't look great, but it TASTES great. We decided to forgo dark chocolate on the top this time for the marble look cause it's stupid buying an entire bar, only to use a quarter. Knowing my family, the rest of the chocolate will stay in the fridge till the day pigs fly.

Also, you know how cheesecake comes with the biscuit base? Well, most of my family love the biscuit part more than the actual cheese part, so we always make the biscuit part pretty big. This time, mom decided to go all out. This is what happened:


Would you like some cheese with your biscuit?!!

Argh, MOM!!!! =P

I had my sis on my side though. She obviously likes the cheese part, since I let her do some tasting as we were making it. However, that also had a bad consequence to it:


Look what she left on the dining table. =.= X 99999. I had to tell her to stop grabbing bits of the cheese from the cake even as she happily ate her slice.

ISHHH!

Let me know if you want the recipe! :) It's simple, and all you need is the ingredients, basic utensils and a fridge! No baking necessary!