Would you believe me if I said I'm keeping you from this for your own good?
Because I've caused you enough hurt that didn't have your name scribbled over it in the first place.
No one bloody signs up for something like this.
If in the end you find out the truth and it still crushes you, please remember that it would've just killed you now.
And it would've been all my fault.
Forgive me for not wanting to be blamed for that...
So excuse me for my careful omissions now.

-o--.--o-...--||| -o--.--o-...--|||

If only it could always be this easy.
It's like having a tap at your disposal.
Turn it on and off.
So you can hold my hand when you want to, kiss it when you feel like it.
And when you turn to me, your eyes bright with anticipation (or is it expectation?), maybe I'll kiss you back.
But just like Cinderella, the clock will eventually strike midnight.
*SNAP*
Reality check.

-o--.--o-...--||| -o--.--o-...--|||

Yes, sometimes I secretly hate you both.
I'm sorry, but this isn't about me being able to control my emotions anymore.
No, because this is way out of my control.
I will always love you both with all my heart, but I don't know when this hate that is lodged so deep within will disappear.
And quite honestly, even if it does, it'll change nothing for the all of us, which is strangely enough, a good thing.

-o--.--o-...--||| -o--.--o-...--|||

I shouldn't blog at 2 am ever again.
I jinxed it.
I went shopping this morning again after the interview.
Which, by the way, went horrible.
I believe any 5 year old could've said the things I did.
Sink. Slump. Shunned.

-o--.--o-...--||| -o--.--o-...--|||

I thought things were supposed to slow during the holidays.
Ya know, give you the chance to let loose.
Then you can refocus after that time in your life when nothing is demanded of you.
I was horribly wrong.

-o--.--o-...--|||  -o--.--o-...--|||

And I wanna believe you when you tell me that it'll be okay
Yeah, I try to believe you
But I don't

(Avril Lavigne's Tomorrow)

Going shopping with Joanne today was kinda WTF-ing for me and Trina. Especially after she exclaimed loudly, "Brazilians are sexy!" And two guys looking very Brazilian who were walking in front of us turned around. Aiks. They didn't stop looking at us even after we walked into the boutique. =P I believe they even waved at Joanne.

Lol, that crazy girl. =)

I have my interview at 9 am tomorrow. I came home tonight with a splitting headache after dinner with my friends, but I couldn't sleep till I did 20 minutes of tossing and turning and hearing Jeff Buckley sing in my head, which by the way is very, very abnormal. The tossing part, I mean. :P Then barely an hour of my stay in Dreamland later, I got a call from a friend. Here I am now, still unable to sleep at 2 am, and I have to get up at 7 tomorrow. JOY.

I still haven't bought my coffee press, though I did get my iron today! :) So no more using hairdryers in desperation for my work attire to dry. Whee. I even ended the shopping drought today (I'll take pictures soon!). I feel much, much poorer. But really, this should be it. NO MORE SHOPPING. I have to save money for London. Boxing Day Sales are calling my name. I even hear the English pubs calling my name, asking me to buy a Stella Artois for me and the older brother. Or two. Hehe.

I realised that it's actually easier for me to save money when I receive cash from my workplace cause I keep track of what I'm receiving and feel more reluctant to spend it as compared to just swiping my evil blue card. Hope that'll help me stinge and stinge till I get to London and buy myself an FCUK T-shirt that I've always wanted! Amongst other things, of course... ;)

Right, I'm going to log off MSN and try to sleep. Again. For the 3rd time tonight. The Borders interview is in less than 7 hours. I have to wake up in less than 5. Dear G-d, wish me luck! :)

I'm at the junction;
Come pick me up
and maybe we can go
for a few pancakes
with scoops of ice-cream
and plenty of strawberries
encased in chocolate sauce
as I hold your hands
and relive with you
the nights that were so alive
and the days that flew by too quickly
with the abundance of joy
that I could even give away
without feeling its loss.

I don't know
if you'll feel differently tonight
or if tomorrow you'll disappear,
but let me have today
when I can feel
your arm circle my waist
and I can walk with you
as you tell me a little more
leave a little less unanswered,
pass empty cafes
with the almost begging displays
and faces that fade into one
unrecognisable mass,
and I'll let you go
like today is forever.

I came home from work at 10. My. last. shift! My boss (not the manager) scolded me for nothing the other night and I really didn't wanna take it lying down. And so I resigned. I searched employment sites and voila, had that interview with Borders. I got into the second round interviews, yay!

Following that, my manager told me to let my boss know why I was quitting = he's rude and yells for no reason. I thought it's okay for me to 'eat the dead cat' since hey, I'm leaving. It's not as if he can deny me my pay for letting him know his faults, right? And so I told my boss tonight why I was quitting and he came up with a few excuses after misinterpreting my words. Like, hello. Of course I know everyone works their ass off for you. Duh, look at me. I've even lost weight. =P Anyway, whoever said that's what I was pissed at? I complained that he scolded me for nuts that night and I couldn't take that. Then he did the unexpected.

He apologised. =.=

He's asked me to stay on if I like, till I find a new job. I don't know, I seem to be stuck in a rut. I reckon I should just tell the manager to only put me on the roster if she can't find anyone else. I may not like the pay, but I love the people I work with. They're all interesting characters, really. Remember the hottie I talked about? I just found out last night that he's gay. What a shame for us girls! Well, it's okay, sometimes we get cute customers, like the one from last night and tonight, with an eyebrow piercing. I don't know why, but I find that very very hot. Cha-ching, I'm acting like a real girl tonight.

Anyway, I'm bloody tired. I came home after work, took a shower, cleaned the bathroom, swept and mopped the floor, put on my newly washed bedsheets and pillowcase and all I wanna do is sleep. I sound like a housewife, but while Trinity is nursing her bad ankle, I suddenly felt inspired to do all the housework. =P Oh G-d, you have NOT stumbled into a housewife's blog. Honest.

I mightttttt be going to watch the new Will Ferrell movie tomorrow. Swifty says it's funny as fuck. Those exact words. I'm counting on it! I'm also buying an iron so that I don't freak out on Tuesday morning when I can't find anything that doesn't look like I slept in them to the Borders interview. Wargh, interviews are unnerving. Scarifying. Shit. Lol, no more. I'm gonna think of a nice coffee press that I'm gonna get my hands on, and I whine about the new Basement Jaxx CD that I want so badly. I likeee. Oh damn, I did it again. Something the heck is wrong with me. Alright, I definitely need sleep, before I continue ranting about what I CAN'T have. No. more.

Oh yeah, did I mention I'm 80% sure that I'm spending Xmas in London? I'm freaked, excited, scared, happy, and going WTF at the same time. I almost couldn't sleep the night before thinking about it! Wheeeeeee, I can almost taste the fricking malt loaf with melted butter. If you're drooling, you're forgiven, because I'm inwardly drooling too. Right, it's time to sleep. Done. Night! I mean, morning. It's 1 am. Shites.

Yup, okay, shutting up. Kthxbai! :)

I went into my Communications class today and the topic of the day was 'slang'. Because I'm so obviously a foreign student, I was asked by my tutor to look up my form of slang in Google. Fine. So I searched for Malay slang but what came up was the Wikipedia entry for Singaporean slang. I thought, no matter, since both are rather similar, so I opened it. I explained a little bit about 'lah' beforehand and continued exploring a few. I told the class that most of there were swear words. Then my tutor decided to say one that appeared on the screen.

"Chee-bai."

=.=

Okayyyy, that was definitely not my fault. I warned him against saying it in front of any Malaysian/Singaporean/Taiwanese. I'll be blah-ed if anyone thinks he's being rude. =P

Then I headed to the city. I went to Starbucks first for a green tea 'cause it was near the Marriott, where I had to attend an interview with Borders. And what do I see but an ad for their Coffee and Chocolate Seminar! My face fell when I realised it was today at 5:30 pm, when I would probably still be at the interview.

There were plenty of people at the interview. It was a big session and we sat around in four different groups. I was told to bring my favourite CD/book/DVD and because I didn't have Sidney Sheldon's The Other Side of Midnight with me, I brought Audrey Niffenegger's The Time Traveller's Wife, which is also a brilliant book. The woman next to me brought the Amelie DVD. Great choice. I also caught sight of the back cover of a CD one guy was holding and I instantly recognised it as Jeff Buckley's Grace. I must say, it's nice to know that people appreciate the same things that I do, possibly even more.

As it turned out, we had to pretend to promote whatever it is we brought to our group leader. I went second, by my seat position. So I began to tell him that it's a romance novel that doesn't just cater to women, but to men as well. It's got a very unique storyline because the main character, Henry DeTamble, time-travels (as you can tell from the title). However he doesn't do it by choice. More often than not, he appears randomly with no clothes and starving. Blah the blah. And that was that. There was a group activity, then a short personal interview. Nothing major. I'm crossing my fingers, even if the job only starts in November. I got a Gloria Jean's voucher for a regular drink, 15% discount on anything in store, a pen and a folder just for attending the interview, yay!

As I left the hotel, I realised that if I walked very quickly even if my black boots were killing me, I'd make it to the seminar! And I did. I'm so glad I did, because it was so fun! First, they spoke about how coffee and chocolate (cocoa) are grown, where they are grown, the processing and... how to drink coffee! Turns out there's a specific way of going about it, and how eye-opening it was! We tried two different types of coffee and had chocolate truffles and brownies with walnuts that were made of Lindt. If you didn't already know, I LOVE Lindt chocolate. The chocolate actually managed to bring out the chocolate flavour in the coffee! It was amazing.

I've always been quite a noob with coffee. I just drink it and while I love the taste, that's all I've bothered with. I either like it or I don't. I don't go to the lengths of exploring the full tastes, or be able to tell why I like a certain coffee. During that time of learning, I could describe a coffee and fully appreciate its taste. It wasn't just a shot of caffeine. It was spicy, or woody, or smelled of cinnamon, had a chocolatey taste that the brownie evoked. It was fabulous to find out and now know that I truly appreciate coffee for more than just a wake-up pill. There was also a short quiz, but I was too slow and they mostly called on people they know to answer. Aww, I could've won myself more coffee or a nice mug. :(

Anyway, I got a free goodie bag!



Wait till you see what's inside! =)



Okay, let me list them out. There're 3 packets of coffee beans: Kenya (bold), House (medium) blend and Verona (bold). I tried the Verona today and while it was nice, it wasn't as beautiful as the Gold Coast blend. They also ground it for me, so I'm buying a coffee press tomorrow! Yes, I'm that motivated! There's also a $ 5 Starbucks card which can be used on anything, a random balloon, Starbucks leaflets on how to make your own coffee, their formulae for certain beverages, teas (Earl Grey, English Brekky and Chai, which is one of my favourites) and chocolates! Yummylicious.

Did I mention that the seminar was free? *Gasp!* Yes, it was! I know you're all dying of jealousy now. ;) I can't wait for the next seminar!

Alright, here're some more random pictures I want to share with you guys.



Remember how I talked about wanting to make Konnyaku jelly? Well, I did! I made them with fresh strawberries too, and they're one of my most favourite fruits!

While I was studying a few nights ago, I caught a funny picture.



This is my favourite mug. It was a birthday present that I got last year from Maureen and Kim, who are studying in Melbourne and Sydney. They also gave me one of my favourite CDs: Missy Higgins' The Sound of White. She's a bit like Sarah McLachlan but less soulful, and more up-tempo. Anyway, I've only started using it for a few weeks now cause I was afraif to break it but yes, my favourite mug has an ass. It also becomes a hot ass when it has my coffee or tea in it.

Ahhh... I love blog posts with pictures. Don't you? ;)

- I want to donate blood. Yes, that's right. I did it once when I had just turned 16 (I conveniently forgot to tell my parents) and it felt strangely... kind. Maybe because of all the persuasive radio ads that it really does make a difference and I can save three lives at a go. Then the new legislation came into power and disallowed all under 18s to donate without parental consent. Well, all I have to do is bite down the pain when they prick my finger cause the actual process of donating does not hurt. I honestly cannot wait! Please don't let me fall sick then.

- I hope I know what to wish for when I blow out the candles. I always feel like I'm put on the spot when I'm told to make a good wish. I haven't really blown out candles in awhile so if it happens this year, I hope I already know what I can pray for.

- I won't celebrate my birthday till after November 18th. I promised. 100 days for you, grandpa.

- I have an assignment due on that day. This time, I'm gonna try to hand it in early so I feel no pressure on that day or be seriously sleep-deprived. Like now. I'm typing on caffeine. My assignment's not done. Oops.

- I wish my parents would realise that I really am eighteen and not eight and I have managed fine on my own for all this time. I'm hoping for more trust in me and a slight bit more independence... That's never sat well with them. I'm still waiting.

- I hope I know what I'm up for during summer, whether I'll be working here, going back home (which I don't want to) or finally be hitting London. I barely know what I'm doing during my break next week. I don't wanna spare London any optimism because my parents would probably come along and burst that bubble. Mind you, it's not that I don't like going back home; it's just that I was just back home over a month ago and it seems ridiculous to be going back again so soon for nothing productive.

- I want to still be on the right path. Am I wrong in believing that I am on it right now? Am I? All these questions.

- I wish all of you could be with me. Not a party. A big hug really would suffice.

- maybe I'll be happier. Just maybe.

Alright, I've been tagged by Trinity. I'm half-grateful cause shhh, I'm procrastinating (again) and I'm really rather sick of looking at Jessica Simpson's face. =P

The rules:
Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italise the statements that you WISH are true.
Leave the Fibs alone.
Then, stab 5 people to do the same test.


I miss somebody right now. (I can think of a lot of people I wish were here right now, sigh)
I dont watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe that honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse.
I have changed mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe , free of cost, and scar-free. (like I said lah, some part of me is paranoid)
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast. (only on the rare occasion)
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas. (I don't want to lose money full-stop)
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past. (they were annoying, certified)
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
I'm currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. (Actually, I don't remember. Oh wait... =.=)
I've rejected someone before. (and I suddenly remember why these tags are intrusive :( )
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. (fuck yes, lol)
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys. (uh.. I don't know)
I study for tests most of the time. (Trina, you forgot to highlight this one =P)
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge. (into a swimming pool, hehe)
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at a McDonald's restaurant. (I like Happy Meals but not enough)
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies. (I think)
I think water rules. (I'm nuts over swimming)
I went college out of state. (forget out of state, try out of the country)
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people. (not that they're bad people, but just the most mismatched)
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner. (Do you know how much effort it takes to put it on?!)
I somehow enjoyed this thingy !!!
I usually like covers better than originals. (Four words: Extreme and 'More Than Words')
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle. (I'm just bad at carrying a tune)
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither. (that'd be pretty damn cool)
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet. (Haha, this healthy eating thing is going alright, I reckon)
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time. (if you cancel out trees, it might apply)
I have jazz in my blood. (Don't know any music that isn't in my blood)
I wear a toe ring.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is
I have been to over 15 conventions. (Comes close)
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better. (I don't consider postcards nonsensical)
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie...

Five people I'm handing out the same torture to:
I'm tagging Sa-chan, Averdim (double tag from the cousins but just do it once), AZNgeek, Merv and Kyels.
Lol, don't worry. I won't get pissed if you don't do it. ;) There're too many circulating that'll come your way anyway.