My French oral was parfait, woohoo! :) Coming straight from my tutor's mouth too. Now if everything else would just fall into place and be perfect as well.... *contented sigh*

This one's called 'Cold'

It's too heavy,
this giant weight.
It's sucked the warmth
from underneath my sheets;
where solitude and serenity was once abundant,
it has no place now.
Not today
or tomorrow.
When did the truth wilt away?
The people are unforgiving,
roads misleading,
and smiles mean nothing.
It drops you
in a spiral of angry bitterness.

Aidez-moi!
But no one hears anyone anymore.
It's nearly dawn
but no one sees the sunrise anymore.
I'm almost there,
but you don't hold my hand anymore.
I discarded the blindfold,
because empty promises scratch at open wounds
and I too shattered at your lacking everything.

I'm walking away
without your blessing.
I'll keep my promises
even if you never meant yours.
And I'll remember your name
long after mine has slipped your mind.

I'm lounging outside on a most inviting chair and it's a breezy autumn day. Sipping my tea, I can choose whether to walk to the patisserie and boulangerie two doors down from my place and have fantastic skim latte with a pain au chocolat or to continue lying there as the world seemingly stops. Maybe I can pick up a Sidney Sheldon I have yet to read, or make the most fantastic love to and with the best of the best.

But of course, in the real world, I woke up from a nightmare of being stuck in a mansion with skeletons to my phone ringing incessantly, desperately memorising an address for future reference. I couldn't go back to sleep and dragged myself out of bed. Because my housemate was in the shower, I couldn't put the kettle on. I got out of the house to wait for my classmate from French class. It's winter, but it feels like spring, which by the way, I don't particularly like.

When she arrived, she had every part written perfectly and I felt (and still feel) quite dumb for slaving away till 3ish in the morning, trying to make sense of this foreign language. After half an hour of trying to stay awake and speaking in broken French, I returned home. I tried to make a nice cup of tea, but even as I'm drinking it right now, I think the evaporated milk is slightly off. My side of the room is a mess that should never be privy to others' eyes. The patisserie and boulangerie is really two bus journeys away, I obviously do not have the best of the male species hidden away in my room, a headache is stirring and I am an extremely sleep-deprived child.

Sweet dreams, darlings.

It's come to this again. This time, I'm certain that there's nothing I can say just yet without sounding like an arrogant cow so it's not going to go away till that moment happens. Why does it have to go down this path? I don't know how to say that there is something missing and what's here isn't enough to push me to make a commitment. I know, I like my random episodes, but I've told myself that I wouldn't do it anymore. If I can't picture a pretty scenario set sometime in the future in my head, then it's non-existent. Bye. Fly away now.

And tonight was meant to be all happy and dance-y. But no one (besides me) wanted to dance much, less so after Jo's foot got stepped on. I saw familiar faces and realised that my party tricks are over. I've gotta be careful. Also, something stupid happened. There's a friend from uni that I see and talk to occasionally, and he's attached. He began dancing with me and I thought it was just for fun, so I played along. Next thing I know, I'm being told that his girlfriend got jealous. Shit. WTF lah. :P

Anyway, this sleep-deprived girl is about to go off to Dreamland where hopefully, the boys will be perfect for just eight hours. Come on, it's only 480 minutes. I don't ask for much, do I? :)

Someone said one of my online profiles is off. Off as in inaccurate. I agreed to a small extent but decided to rewrite it anyway:

I am your everyday girl. I really love my dark chocolates and lattes. I turn momentarily deaf while reading and would have loved to meet Sidney Sheldon (rip). I love shopping by myself. I can't ignore cakes and pastries, or food in general, and cannot diet to save my life. I love a good breakfast. I listen more than I talk (else, tell me to shut up). I write when I'm down because that's inspiration. I think we often forget that all we should do in happy times is cherish them, kinda like trying to take the perfect pictures of the sunset and forgetting to appreciate how beautiful it is. I'm a little self-conscious and if that would go away, I'll be myself and a bit better. I procrastinate too much and have come close to handing in assignments late. I have more than 50 pairs of ear-rings. I want one more piercing on my ear but my parents might kill me. I think some hair colours are gorgeous but it's nice to have my hair like this. I hate how branded stuff is expensive but I don't want to be generic either. I want to play football without fussing over the size of my calves but that's not gonna happen. I stare a lot at things and I'm sorry if that's annoying. I love strawberries and I wish someone will bring Haagen Dazs to Australia. I'm a grammar Nazi and simple mistakes annoy me. I will sing but please don't laugh; I know there are plenty who are better than me. I believe in myself, and even if I'm not meant for great things, I'll be okay. :)

It all starts with 'I' cause it's supposed to be about me. Lol.

I have a public holiday tomorrow, yay! I'll be going to the EKKA, which is like a carnival/fashion show/dance performances/MAJOR rip-off/strawberry ice-cream and chocolate galore. That also means tonight is the best night for the students to party and forget all about uni! Woohoo!

I'm gonna enjoy myself these couple of days. Last week was crazy and in the next couple of days, it's gonna be a full-blown madhouse here.

It started with a phone call. I suppose they all did. One after the other. Right now, it's escalated to the point where I am stuck. People tell you that there are only so many windows of opportunities and that you should seize them with all your might. Don't think. There is no time, there is no need. Do it.

But what do you do when they throw you into a room with so many doors AND windows with no map? And like they said, there is no time. You hear chanting and the mob outside threatening to break one of the doors down, and they're so, so angry. What do you do, what do you do?

You used to look forward to every single one, an eager beaver wanting to show that there isn't anything to big to handle, too small to mull over. Now, screw the possibilities. Screw people who tug and pull and cajole with their own agendas. Just go away and don't come back. You hold me hostage during from sunrise till sunset and sometimes that's insufficient. Just. stop.

All I want to do is stay at home with a cup of coffee, listen to Death Cab for Cutie and the washing machine singing in the kitchen whilst reading one goddamn book. One moment to myself.

Girls look for boys who won't make them cry.
Boys look for girls who can make them cry.

What do you think?

Picture this. You wake up after insufficient sleep. Makan, pack and get to uni. Rush printing your lecture notes. Though it's an interesting lecture, you struggle to stay awake. During the break, you grab a coffee. It's the crappiest coffee ever, but you need the caffeine. At your next lecture, your hands are shaking. What the? You open your lunch box to find the cheese has melted grotesquely and avocado bits are falling out everywhere. EW. It's finally your break, but you have to go off to print more lecture materials and call to reserve tickets. They keep you on hold for ages and ages and when you finally get through, someone else you really need to talk to calls you on your cellphone and you're cradling two handsets, trying to remember who's who. Graceful. Then, to your horror, someone has decided to throw you the biggest mess ever and expects it fixed. By tomorrow. WHAT! You go to your tutorial and it's about making Powerpoints. Erm... am I in the wrong class? Argh. You leave early for a meeting and it ends well. Yay. And then your joy's cut short when you rush off for another class and you see the most. boring. lecturer. standing in front. Oh no. You send an urgent message out but no catches it on the other end. AHHH!!! You leave class early even though the lecturer was boring you to death anyway and you had spent the last few minutes writing Snow Patrol lyrics to try and fix tomorrow's mess. You run to one place and are directed to another; but again, no one picks up the fucking phone and all you wanna do is scream. Scream. AND SCREAMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

Okay. That's all.