I'm home.

We managed to catch the flight on Wednesday night and arrived Thursday morning after a brief transit in Singapore. It was all surreal. Getting on the plane. Trying to quell the tears that kept coming at the slightest fearful thought. It's altogether blurry now. And I pushed the trolley quietly towards my mother, the usual joy of arriving home absent.

Too late... I came home to my lil bro and Mom, who spilled the news... I wanted for someone to tell me it was not true, but already, there was no denying it. The tears had begun falling.

My grandfather's funeral was today.

I'm really at a loss for words... There's all this pent-up hurt and frustration that I didn't make it back in time. Remembering the last time I saw him alive and well. The silent disbelief registering in my head as he laid there in the coffin. I'm thankful he went peacefully and my uncle reassured me that my grandfather knows I love him but I wish there was a way that somehow, I could've been there to tell him that I love him very much and express my gratitude for everything he's done...

A part of me is still wishing everything will rewind itself. I am not coherent enough now, so I will be back here again soon. For now, please be patient with me... Thanks...

Yesterday was WEIRD.

Communications class was its usual entertaining self. Really, it's the most stimulating. Marketing comes nowhere close to being as good cause really, most of us are not all that susceptible to the little tricks they employ. Some of us just indulge in their little game because we have to. We know you're more expensive, you don't need to shout 'discount'; we just like the way you taste/smell/feel/include your every whim and fancy here.

Then I was on the bus with Trinity and Taqi when someone calls. Briefly, I thought I saw a Malaysian number pop up and dismissed that as ridiculous because only very few times have I received phone calls directly from Malaysia. I answered the call and cause it was noisy, I could hardly hear what he said. He introduced himself as Jason (BTW, that was so 'Sepet' =.=) and I racked my head trying to figure out who I gave my number to. Then it clicked when he said the magic word.

Smashp0p.

OHHH!!!!

Duh. =.=

He pretty much said hi and bye. I aksed him if he was kidding when he said 'bye' and he said 'no', so I said 'bye' as well. Afterwards, Trinity couldn't stop hitting me because honestly, Jason, we never got over that picture of you winking without glasses (and a shirt). Hahaha. If I'm not alive in a couple of days time, you'll all know my cousin has killed me for embarassing her yet again. Dang.

Later in the evening, while we were in the library, we were waiting to check out a book when I catch this guy outside staring at me through the window. I can't believe how rude I was, but I STARED BACK. Okay, so maybe he started being rude first, but I don't know why I responded in kind. Lol. But somehow, after I broke off eye contact and left the place without looking back, I reflected on those few moments, poetry already forming in my head. He had one of those gazes that made you feel as though someone was peering right into your soul but you would somehow feel completely comfortable about it.

Anyway, the whole day was strange. And today was just sleepy. I got up at 7:30 to attend training at a juice bar and well, it paid off. I got the job, woohoo! As a result, I paid a brief visit to Dreamland in Marketing, but I can't bloody help it if I reckon half of us sitting in there already KNOW what she has to say. Ish. Kill me now.

My current obsession: DHT's 'Listen To Your Heart'. I demand all of you listen to it NOW and get hooked! :) Scarily enough, I'm becoming a dance/trance/tech junkie. WHATTTT!

I just bought two textbooks this morning and they cost me over $100... each. :( Tell me that that is no reason to stop trying to live the OC lifestyle, which really for me and Trinity is looking high and low for bagels in this Australian kampung... Come on, we've even got the damn cream cheese sitting in the fridge!

Sometimes, I really do wonder where people's heads are at. Social smoking IS the exact same thing as smoking. Once a week, a fricking month, who cares? There's no such thing as 'I've quit, I'm a social smoker'. Try telling me pigs fly too while you're at it, hmm? I could serve up a million platters of that BS to the plants.

I think the holidays have turned me funny; I can't drink as much as I used to! WEIRD. Don't you reckon there's only one cure for that? ;) Alright, so I was kidding. I had two beers, a Cruiser Black (didn't know they make them) and a so-called Flaming Sambuca. So-called because it wasn't done right. I think I'll wait patiently for my 18th for people to get them right, hehe.

Cruiser Blacks are different from the normal Vodka Cruisers in that they taste like crap. Definitely not my favourite girly drinks. You could probably attribute that to the 7.0% alc but hey, if Smirnoff can taste good at 7.0, so can they, right? If they'd try harder, then they might possibly alter the whole image of girly drinks being wuss drinks and equate it with a higher alc %. BEST!

Saturday was detox night and marks the first occasion I went to Ali's place and did not touch a single drop of alcohol. I deserve a million times kudos for that!

Trinity's gonna try her first Vodka Cruiser soon since I got Tristin to steal one to entice her tastebuds. She'll let you know how good/crap my fav girly drinks are. ;) In the meantime, while I figure out how the hell I can get Internet at an affordable price, here are pictures I shamelessly stole from Trinity. ;)


Have you ever seen such a massive bowl of fries?!


Trinity's new LG Chocolate. Jeles betul. =.=


Campus grounds are barren due to drought, but still lovely. :)


My sister's favourite pose re-enacted by me. Too bad I suck at it!


Trinity looking pretty as usual.


There's something so pink and 'Legally Blonde' about this.

Ahhh... Mondays at uni... Gotta hate them!

Some people laugh and laugh,
and yet you wanna cry.
Some people touch your hand ,
and music fills the sky.

The first time,
I had no contemplation to give my heart away.
None.
And I didn't stay.

The second time,
I thought I had given it away
but I was wrong.
Definitely wrong.

The third time,
I didn't think I would.
But I did.
And without knowing it,
it was mailed back to me.
B-r-o-k-e-n.

I slowly put together
every single jagged piece
that cut into the other.
All stuck determinedly back together.

The fourth time,
I stopped trying to give it
to someone who didn't want it.

Because the tears hurt too much
and I wished I was too stupid
to see through all the lies.
Goodbye.

And the fifth was the same.
Only ten-fold the pain,
and twenty times the salty rain.

The sixth time,
Something in me
stopped trying to give,
only adamant to receive.

And the empty feeling
of knowing that this time it wasn't mine breaking
resulted.
Resounded.

An empty game of 'pass the parcel',
except it's my heart going around.
When the music stops,
No one wants to hold it.
No one wants to keep it.

I've finally finished Tash Aw's 'The Harmony Silk Factory'. I didn't like his writing style. Yes, it had a pretty decent storyline but something in the story didn't click with me. There's a resonating harsh tone to the lines and a lack of connection between the characters and the reader. Maybe it's just me, but I find the book overrated.

Taking on Daniel Silva again. I read 'The Confessor' and his writing is somewhat reminiscent of Dan Brown. What reiterated that was the huge sticker on the book saying 'as good as Dan Brown'. Thinking back now, it might have been my initial madness over the plot of Brown's books that made me overlook what Vincent seemed to describe as a not engaging enough writing style. *shrug* Maybe now, I'll be of the opinion that Silva is better than Brown.

I also bought 'When In Rome' by Penelope Green, which entitled me to get 'Odd One Out' by Monica McInerney free. I first caught sight of Green's book in a book guide and reading the synopsis, I was sure I wanted it badly enough. Weirdly enough, it was on sale in a store despite being a spanking new book, so I bought it. I'm savouring my time before exams approach with books. ;)

What good books have YOU read lately?

Dad gave the okay. I am gonna get Internet tonight, woohoo! I'll just have to hope they install it before my whole head turns white. :) I now know the full effects of being Internet-deprived. Holy mackerel, I hateeeee it! I feel like I've missed out on so much when in reality, nothing in my life has been on hold. Uni, the house, finding a job (crossing my fingers that Nine West calls me for an interview!)

Guess that's what the Internet does to me; it just gives me a sense of release, that everything might be controversial online but it'll never get as hectic as it does in my everyday life. I mean, blog wars will never get as messy as finding a roommate who will help you survive the mad rent. ;)

My new place is lovely, guys. I would have pictures if not for the fact that I somehow misplaced the USB cable to my new camera. Ooh, did I mention I got a new hand-me-down? Yes, I realise that that's an oxymoron but that's how it is when you have older siblings. It's a Nikon 5 megapixel camera, but see, I can't show off when I don't have pictures. :(

Anyway, besides small problems with ants, a tiny broken cupboard door, not enough light, the morning noise that comes with living beside the main street leading to uni (Trinity said this includes ducks and birds squawking unnecessarily), it's lovely! I can now wake up maybe 40 minutes before the bus comes. Way enough time for a leisurely breakfast. No more pizza for dinner, guys thundering down the stairs, a cramped room, or a messy kitchen!

Best part: we have a garage. I can hold a garage sale for my junk that's accumulated over 2 years. Honest to God, I have no idea where they all come from. Really! Okay, so I do remember coming back from Malaysia with 30 kg of stuff every fricking holiday but hello, who's gonna buy my clothes here? I might as well buy them when Mom's around, even if I have to put up with the size tags reading 'L'.

There's so much pressure with being skinny back home. Mom loves asking me to step on the weighing scale. She's not obsessive, but she likes me to be normal, which to her is like 52. I think it hasn't occured to her that I haven't been 52 for about 4 years now, hah! So I never used to put on weight after 3 plates of nasi lemak at school during lunchtimes. Those days are OVER. Hahahaha.

And see, there's just no way of losing weight here. Who's ever heard of losing weight in the land of pasta and potatoes anyway? *snort* Especially when last night, Trinity and I sat down to a lovely supper of roti bantal* + Nutella  (chocolate flavoured hazelnut spread). If you've never tried it, please whack yourself hard now because it's the best. thing. ever. Do yourself and a favour and buy yourself Nutella, bread (preferably those ones meant for hot dogs) and ice cream, any flavour of your choice.

Slap Nutella on the bread. Thick layers are good for you. Have you never heard Nutella's low GI? ;) Then put loads of ice cream. Fold the bread (sort of) and INDULGE. Guarantee you'll love it. Did you know that most Australians have never eaten ice-cream on bread? Honestly, where have they been?!

I love my community messages. ;) Enjoy, babes!

* Aiyaiyai if you don't know what roti bantal is! Watch Gubra already! It's bread with ice-cream, which is so yum!

I'm Internet deprived.
They won't install broadband on a 6-month contract.
Whyyyyy?!

I'm going to start paying electricity bills.
Besides already paying my bond of an obscene sum...
I feel old!

I woke up this morning and thought that the tenants upstairs flooded their place and the water leaked down to ours.
Actually, it was just condensation from our leaking shower head.
Ugh, I can just hear the word 'stupid' echoing in MY brainless head.

I'm hungry.
Trina thinks I'm ALWAYS hungry.
I just don't like that empty feeling. =)
Making excuses for myself makes me feel less inadequate.

Two full buses drove past today; I'm sure everyone was having a ball getting to class on time.
So I was late.
And sat on the aisle for an hour.
In. a. skirt.
=.=
The sign 'no sitting on aisles' glared at me with its non-existent eyes.

Then I entered the wrong tutorial.
Yes, embarassing.
I'm sure now that the amount of people who think I'm a fool has multiplied to a thrillion at very least.

Now they've cut down my original 4-day weekends by allocating me to my single class on Friday.
WHATTTTT!

Too much shopping.
Too many smses.
The hole in my wallet is so big that my cellphone would fall right through.

Can I just say this fucking sucks?
I'm sure you'd agree with me.
RIGHT?