I reach for your hand
even as you slowly inch away.
Please, my love, take a look at me.
My eyes have a little message;
your name's scribbled all over the envelope,
the handwriting screaming incessantly of this urgency.
Everything's a blur, a spinning kaleidoscope;
I can't even begin to count the number of colours
that bless my inexperienced eyes,
much less say my sad goodbyes.
Forgive me when I withdrew myself before;
sometimes it's hard to believe that
God's gift stands before my eyes,
and begs me to respond in kind.
I'm coming, I promise, I'm rushing away.
You urge me on into our hidden heaven.
Yes, sweetheart, it's only half past seven.
The steaming sensation of being crushed against a brick wall,
wrapped around you like vines needing support;
I will carry with me for eternity.
Watch me as I bring a new meaning to the word 'high',
and I'll let you lead the way home...

I'm betting that my older bro, Ben, doesn't come here anymore, so I'm writing this: I bought him Calvin Klein's Crave! :) It's a graduation + birthday + congratulations present. He's going to ace his exams with flying colours (yup, I'm that sure!), and he's about to start work in December with a top law firm in London. Err.. forget my first previous reminder about spending too much money because I think it's worth it. Hey, it's my wages, I can do what I want with it! In defence of this luxury, it was on sale. And it's not for me, so it's not a bout of utter selfishness. Tee-hee.

Really, all this time that I've been here, I've never been extravagant = I've been a cheapskate. Honest to God. The most expensive thing I've ever had to purchase, besides my uni education, is my pair of glasses, which was a complete rip-off. I've never heard of anyone having to pay $300 for such a tiny necessity. Of course, I was in desperate need then cause I was blind without my contact lenses, and I had no idea that people paid that much for branded glasses, not frames with recognisable names that were made in nowhere-significant-enough-to-tell-you-about.

You get the point.

After the glasses, I believe it would be my skinny (even if I'm anything but) chocolate coloured jeans that I only bought a few weeks ago, which I really love. I would wear it everyday if I didn't have to wash them. I really don't understand why people here would happily fork out 200 bucks for a pair from Sass & Bide. Just because they're designed by a few popular Australian designers, I don't see that as a guarantee that they're comfy, will last and is suitably tailored for every single person. One day, when I'm filthy rich and absolutely rolling in it (which is never, but what the hell), I'll buy a pair, and if I like them, then maybe I'll be happy to tell everyone about it. If I don't, well, it just proves my point.

And the jeans only cost me 20 bucks. Wheeee!

Strategically enough, I just got off the phone with my dad, also my financial advisor/provider. Hehe. He's probably going to shoot me once he finds out I made all those 'useless' purchases. Being manja has never worked on my dad. Ya know, most girls manage to pull off the most ridiculous requests by sidling up to their dad and doing and saying the right things. But he'd never buy it and I've never even tried it and probably will never try it. Haha, I've never been good at scheming. And he's cancelled the Shanghai trip since he's so busy and can't make it. Sigh, I want to say that that's a good thing since I didn't want to go in the first place, but that also means his work is piling up that much, and I must admit, the idea of going to Shanghai kinda grew on me. Aiks. Ah well.

Right, I'm getting excited just thinking about going home! Dad reminded me that my sister has been looking forward to my return. Awww. Even if that probably has to do with the fact that I'm the only one who takes her swimming, lol. That cheeky girl! And oh my gosh, I just realised this means it might be possible for me to catch the same flight as Trinity! YAYYY! However, mentioning it to my mom would be a little tricky. She was, after all, looking forward to Shanghai a lot and the idea of me leaving early would be a bit... messy to put forward. Lalala. Oh, I forgot to mention that it's my cousin, Trinity that I'll be moving in with on that post. I think I created speculation that it'll be my man I'm moving in with without meaning to. Too bad this man is non-existent. Lol. You'll just have to do, Trinity. ;)

Kidding lah. You know how much I'm looking forward to it!! *bounces up and down*

Three more papers to go! Stupid exam on Saturday. Haven't they hear that it's a crime to use the phrase 'Saturday night' to imply an examination, a statistics one, no less? Fuckwits.

I either just passed my test... or I failed. Well, at least I know it's the end of international relations for me.

Anyway, I've had a whole lot of awful reminders today:

1. I'm spending too much money without meaning to. Actually, this reminder is on repeat mode. It doesn't matter that I got paid today because I'm eventually going to spend it. And I hate it when people owe me money cause I'm too paiseh to ask for it back.

2. My Reeboks that was somehow 'taken' by Clare's visitors are still not returned. As a result, I've had to wear el cheapo 20 dollar sports shoes and my mama toe obviously disagreed. It's been screaming '(KNNC)CB' ever since I took those damn shoes off. *wince*

3. I should refuse to help others with their lunch when they can't finish theirs. Now I just feel too full to have dinner.

4. I'm still taking different directions from the ones I like just because I want to avoid uncomfortable situations. It's a real bitch.

5. There is only a handful of people I can stay out of touch with, and don't feel like I've missed a single beat with them. Then there's the whole group that I find hard to initiate conversations with because it'll eventually just stop and not start again till his/her/my guilt piles up again.

6. Coffee is losing its effect on me. Very, very quickly. Looks like I'm going to up the demand for Red Bull. Where's the fricking supply?!

7. I'm. gaining. weight. again. Actually, that's not awful. I mean, it's winter and everyone puts on weight, except models who resemble anorexic golf clubs... right? Just say 'yes'.

8. I haven't had any inspiration on what to get my granddad. I'm afraid the liquorice candy might be a bit too hard for him to chew. But they're so yummy, I... never mind.

9. My statistics exam is on Saturday evening. I'm missing out on dinner and Fete De La Musique. That's almost sadistic.

10. I've forgotten a lot of football rules that I studied so hard. There goes all my effort: down the damn drain.

11. It's the fucking World Cup that comes once in 4 years and I've got three more exams to go. I missed out on Spain vs Ukraine last night, having to resort to Soccernet's gamecast, and a grand total of FOUR goals were scored. I happen to really like games with lots of goals, even if it's as entertaining as watching my digital clock when there's no scoring involved.

12. I'm missing out on Ken's birthday party next Sunday. He's turning 18. Everyone is. He reminded me that Leonard will accompany me, until I said that my birthday's in November. As much as I feel just a teensy bit of pride being a 17 year old in university, I also feel very small and vulnerable, especially because people tend to treat me differently once they find out my age.

13. I didn't sleep last night (ten minutes here and there) and I only managed two hours of sleep during the day because Hayden who really is a stick in real life walks like a fucking elephant. I'm surprised the ceiling hasn't caved in on me yet.

14. I haven't found a place to live at next semester. I'm worried 3 days isn't enough to look for one.

15. I'm dumbfucked dumbfounded by how I can write all this so easily in such a neat order in minutes but my essays were in shambles.

16. I have to collect my assignments tomorrow. I shall burn them if I received horrid marks so they can use it to torment me if or when I go to hell.

17. I will go to hell. Lol.

18. I have been swearing a lot lately. Took one Vincent and one Munak for me to realise that. Shit.

19. The OC is ending. I have one episode left. What's to become of my junk addiction? :( That's it, I'm getting Smallville off Kitty when I'm back! I don't care if you guys think he PMSes too often.

20. I hate losers who say one thing and do another, or people who try to sound all wise and insightful, or quite plainly, be someone they're not, but the only response they manage to get out of me is loads of laughter as I roll on the dusty, carpeted floor. I shouldn't be so mean. I should just laugh quietly inside.

21. My eyelids are drooping. That means that I'm going to ignore my clock that is telling me that it's only 8:25 pm, brush my teeth and have fun dancing in Dreamland. I'm tired of dreams where I run away or rather, try to; somehow, my feet are always slowly floating off the ground and whoever it is catches me. You bitch, why can't you let me win just once? :(

I'll be in Dreamland if you need me.

If some people could possibly get any thicker...

No, it's not possible.

Look, it's simple, really. A casual dine-in restaurant like Pizza Hut is not making certain races pay the service charge and government tax. What shred of evidence did that stupid e-mail have? NONE. I can just as easily scan my Pizza Hut bill, without a receipt to back it up. And no, they have absolutely no obligation to inform you that they're recording down your group size and race. I can't imagine a bigger waste of time. All they're doing is studying their market, and trying to instigate products that will sell better. Did you honestly need a 17 year old to tell you that?

Hope the reply from Pizza Hut had you feeling completely embarassed at putting up such an obviously baseless forwarded email on your blog.

Why the heck would you believe this, amongst all the rubbish that arrives in your e-mail inbox? I didn't see you putting up those penis enlargement or free Viagra offers on your blogs, now did you? The fact that you happily put up stupid junk on your blogs screams 'gullible'. The same people that cry foul at discrimination endorsing it. *snort*

Perfect, Einstein. Just perfect.

Massive headache ongoing. If it could take physical form in front of me now, I'd kill it with my bare hands. I have finished reading one chapter of international relations, three more to go and that was merely to familiarise myself with the content. After this, I need to dissect those topics and be an expert at commenting on them. Talk about mission impossible.

How things have changed since last year. Last year, I wouldn't just be familiar with these topics already; the cramming process would be well underway. I'd be staying up with five other girls in the common room as we establish ourselves as the biggest fans of Indomee and Nescafe, and I might even be on my way home by Friday. Then amongst other things, I'd be able to catch the Fete de la Musique.

(Read my account on last year's FDLM here)

Fete de la Musique is a music festival that started in France and I think that's all you need to know. :P Why turn down good music, guys? Because I can't be there, I'm asking you guys to head down to Jalan Telawi, Bangsar on the 17th of June (yes, this Saturday) from 5 pm - 12 am on my part to have a great time.

And you all know I've already publicised David's new album (his new album sampler is linked on my side bar). I can testify that Wei Li is a nice guy. Jin has asked me if I'll be there. These guys are all part of Vespertine and if you like a fusion of rock and hip-hop, do try to catch Vespertine performing live at FDLM. You won't regret it. I've been to two of their performances and my liking for their music hasn't diminished a tiny bit.

Come on. What else could you possibly ask for on a Saturday besides great bands performing live? And all at the cost of possibly just one LRT/bus ticket. :) Count yourself lucky that you won't be me, sitting in the examination hall on a Saturday, having to spit out 25 billion effects of globalisation, and trying to make them all sound credible.

This time, I waited for Joanne in front of the police station. Two men walked past me; one of them looked me in the eye and started singing, 'I think I love you so why am I so afraid?'

I only smiled in reply. :) My late comeback: Commitment. Heh. Am I wrong in saying that guys are generally commitment phobic?

Today = Queen's Birthday = Public Holiday = Double Pay & 1/2 = YEAHHHH!!

I had macaroni and cheese for dinner, which is such a happy meal. If only McD's sold it. Just like Cheerios! Not the cereal (don't like!), they're like the cheap version of cocktail sausages. Hehe. I also discovered that the best way to have a hot dog is with tomato sauce and mustard. Mmm! I now have added another item to my must-do-before-I-die list: have a hot dog in New York. ;)

Anyway, time to launch into full exam mode. I just realised that I have two days to study before my exams start. Now it's really sinking in. Die, die, DIEEE. All these days that I was meant to study has gone to nuts. Someone shoot me now. It's a faster way to die, innit? :(

I'm moving out next semester! Yeah yeahh, moving in with a special someone! ;) Tee-hee... I can imagine what it'll be like already. It's gonna be all fun: staying up, deep and meaningful conversations, having late night snacks together like we used to. Can't. wait. Can't. WAIT!

It's been funny playing your role of the optimistic one between the two of us. Hehe.

**Interruption: GOALLLLL!!! By Japan, I mean. Hehe.

Okay, sorry, got distracted. It's bad blogging in front of the TV! :P

Moving along, I am going to be stuck with exams from the 15th and I always say this but don't manage it but I won't be blogging for a couple of days. This is your cue to go 'whatever!' Hehe. I know I'll still blog. I'm in denial.

If you've never heard of the show 'Big Brother' that I believe originated from the UK, a really short rundown is that it's a bunch of people thrown in a house and they live together, competing for a million dollars. Nominations are held every week as well as public voting for the housemate they want to be evicted. Every Monday, there's an Adults Only segment for the obscene stuff that goes on in the house; it can easily be classified as soft porn. :P

Although I haven't been watching it much this past week because I haven't been home much, this giving me a break from the idiot box, I'm stupidly addicted to it and my favourite housemate is John. When Ryan heard about this, he attributed it to the size of John's best friend, which he thought I had seen on the Adults Only segment. Stupid deduction, really. I like John cause he seems like the easiest person to talk to. And he's hot. *STEAMMMM* Heh.

Then tonight, Ryan said, "Wait till you see Jamie's. I bet you'll like Jamie after this." (No, Ryan's not gay, he just watches a lot of Big Brother) And I got bloody offended. I mean, to me, it almost sounded like he was making me out to be a whore. So I shouted back, "If I liked guys with bigger dicks, maybe I'd like you better since you're such a dickhead!"

Yah, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

OMG, the stew-pitt football commentator just said that Australia had 'two bites at the cherry'. WHAT THE?!! LMAOWTF! Whether I'm dirty-minded or just a plain grammar Nazi (I refuse to think the noob was referring to Australia's 1st goal), it's still fricking hilarious.

It's proof that the World Cup does indeed have its funny moments!

Work's can almost be a joy but me being too tired to do anything afterward brings my euphoria down a little. :) I've been a casual employee for a catering company these past 2 days as well as tomorrow. It's a pretty simple job, really. I mean, the only difficulties I've come across is the coffee machine running out of coffee and insufficient bread for hot dogs. Nope, not difficult at all. But the crowd almost never stops once it hits lunch hour until I get off. And everyone picked the carrot cake so I couldn't have one as my little reward. :( Ah well. The hot dogs look yummy and I've yet to try them. Mmmm!

I don't really like asking the male customers if they'd like sauce on their hot dogs. Or worse, sausages.

As I was waiting for Joanne to get off work at the bus-stop this afternoon, a rather aged man holding what looked like a dead cigarette stopped in his tracks and demanded to know why I wasn't smiling. Stupid me didn't sense trouble and I thought I heard the wrong thing so I asked, "What?" He invited himself to sit next to me on the bench.

Then I smelled the alcohol.

Shit.

He continued rambling on and on about how people never smile, even ugly women, I should smile, I'm a beautiful lady, I must have a 'better half' waiting at home for me. Whilst my head was screaming, WTF WTF, I just replied that I was tired, yes, I will smile more often, and no, I don't have a 'better half'. I tried sending SOS to the people walking along the street but all of them just didn't give a crap. Argh, fine, don't help me! Grrr... He pointed to a woman and said, "See, she's not smiling either!" I just forced a smile in reply. He invited me to have a drink, and I said that I'm not 18. He then asked me to have tea with him. What, he thinks he's English?! I declined, saying I had to go home.

Finally, Joanne rang me. I told him that I have to leave and he replied, "No, you just stay here, I'll go." He touched my leg a bit as he got up to leave and I winced. Thanks for copping a feel, basket. :P I saw Joanne across the street and told her all about it. After a good laugh, she told me that I can't just sit anywhere in the Valley (otherwise known as Chinatown). I had already known that the Valley is full of shady characters but I didn't know that today was my lucky day. :P

Tomorrow, I'm hiding out at the cafe. I don't care if I spend unnecessary money, I'm not sitting at the bus-stop!