Yatta! Season 1 is over. Me no likey no Yatta! :(

Viewtru left his wuxia on a cliffhanger and it's the weekend. Me want Wen Yiji to fast fast move backside and be like Peter Petrelli and who Trina calls 'the bitter old man'.

Averdim is blank. Besides that line about anonymity, it's lost. Hey, is starting over (or maybe it was starting again) that easy? Wipe it all off and there's a clean slate? Teach me. Hold my hand and show me what it's like to paint on spotless white walls, please.

Facebook and the faces I recognise are intimidating in a way. Part of me thinks forward is the way to go and replaying high school in my head is as strange as shisha with no flavour.

Where do you draw the line? What emotional barrier is there? How close do/can you hold someone? What's the distance that's comfortable? If it is, do you come closer or stay where you are? Why is it that people talk? Do people really fear what they don't understand? As the Kendall Payne song goes, how do you dream when you can't fall asleep?

Why does everything have to have a fucking explanation that's supposedly logical? Why can't things just... feel right? Why do you have to be able to tell someone why you think there's such an emotional attraction/connection? Why is it that it can't just be there without logic? Why, is everything logical to you? Why, why, why the fuck why?

Does love make sense to you?

Have I ever told you that I hate it when all the wonder and romance disappears at the interpretation that love is just the whole best friends with the simple addition of sex? What does that interpretation do to you?

And where's the fucking ruler cause I wanna break it in half and tell you that IF my lines exist to start with, they are all bendy and weird and squiggly and ugly. Oh, and I know you don't like it. You don't have to.

Now send me the pillow that you dream on not so I can dream of you, darling, but so I can have better dreams.

I tossed. I turned. I didn't get why I wasn't in Dreamland yet. I normally fall asleep within 5 minutes of my head hitting the pillow. I got up and grabbed my iPod from my bag. I forgot that I synced it this morning and my random playlists were missing. I quickly selected a few songs and turned them on. I first heard Kai Bu Liao Kou by Jay Chou and thought immediately how silly it sounded translated.

I then thought of that boy, the one who I never saw after our first two meetings, the same one that made my heart flutter and ache and cry for some chance to really be with. I know it's stupid, but I had the sheet which he first wrote his number on with me throughout PMR. I remember now that it's actually the 2nd sheet. I had accidentally lost the first one and he had pretended to be mad. I had waited for him for a year to take me to prom. I now remember the boy who loved Liverpool and jazz. I remember how he had made my two friends' hearts flutter before trying it on me. I distinctly recall saying no in my determination to wait for the first boy. I think that boy led me on. I think he broke my heart.

I think of you when I hear Death Cab for Cutie's A Lack of Color. I know how much you like this song, the same song that makes me sigh over the lyrics and over and over I would sigh if I could. I don't know where I'd be without you. I have this mountain of debt that I can't see past. I wonder sometimes if you'll still love me. I get scared. I know I'll get scaRRed too if one day I ever do something that you'll never forgive me for. I want you to just  be here to hug me and kiss me on the forehead and my cheeks and tell me that you'll stick by me. I am selfish, dear God I am. I don't deserve you. I don't care what you say cause the next Starbucks Lattes we have together are on me.

I don't know what was going through my mind as I heard 'A Way Back Into Love'. I kept thinking that I should tell you about the movie tonight but that I'll just sms you tomorrow. I wondered what was going through your head right then, that moment, and whether you're really no longer mad at me. I think that you look really funny when you do that sniffing thing you do. I have never told you that. I reflected on our first meeting and our last and some conversations in between. I think it's all too mind-boggling to think about and I like the way things are now. I reckon some of it is confusing but it'll clear up.

I'm talking to you now. I'm glad everything's all fine now. I've missed our late night chats and you telling me funny shit and me laughing my ass off till 4 in the morning when you actually really really have to go to bed and I'm still reluctant to sleep because I'm having a good time. I think about the things you've said and the things that make me feel more than I really am. I want us to be two of maybe 5 Chinese people in the cinema again, asking to watch Cinta and almost being handed tickets for Cicak or some shit like that (and you've told me now it's Ciplak, hehe). I want us to have 2 Heinekens with our massive lunches and the American Brownie again as you tell me about the greatness of Jack Daniels sauce and me being the glutton that I am, tell you that I'm hungry 3 hours later and your priceless reaction of 'you're a monster'. I think they're good times. I hope you do too.

I wonder if you noticed what I've done to this post. I'm going to sleep.

That's another reason why London's good: you don't have to bloody wake up at 4:40 in the morning to catch a match. All you have to do is haul your tired butt from work to your couch and sit with dinner in front of the telly with a beer and scream at the AC Milaners who must have part time jobs as soap actors. After all, it kicks off at 7:45 pm.

Yes, I'm disappointed. With my Milo and chammomile tea and banana flavoured snack, at half-time, I predicted that we would win 1-0, possibly even 2-0. Don't ask me where the numbers come from. See, sometimes I have this thing where I can predict the winning team. If it hits me, then the score. During the World Cup, the only team I knew well was England (duh), but I never predicted their scores right. Instead, I look at fixtures with teams I know close to nothing about and just randomly managed to predict the winners. Guess what? They were always accurate. Ask Vincent. He thought I should be a bookie, lol.

When I watched the Chelsea vs Man U match, at half-time, I predicted a 1-0 finish to Chelsea and that Drogba would score. Maybe it was mere talent this time that told me. It was a good match, yes, closely fought, sure. But was I the only one who could see that Chelsea had the upper hand? But yes. It was 1-0. And Drogba did score. I think I actually took a liking to him. Tell me if there's anything particularly bad about him I should know about?

Anyway, this prediction 'skill' is absolute rubbish when it comes to the team I support. *grumble grumble* I'm starting to think that maybe I'm like Eyeris; when he's away and misses their matches, they win. I shouldn't even bloody try and wake myself up at insane hours in the morning and end up feeling like crap the rest of the day. Honestly.

Right now, I have this big grudge against the AC Milaners. I don't blame Alonso. Is that wrong? Though I keep getting annoyed that the boys thought Rena had it. Argh. Maybe I shouldn't point fingers. Memories of it are quite hazy now. But I'm annoyed the substitutions weren't done earlier. For some reason, I was quite desperate for the tiang that is Crouch to get on the field asap. C'est dommage. I really thought twice in 3 years...

*Sigh* Back to the land that still thinks it's soccer...

I haven't put up pictures in awhile and since I don't even have to upload them myself, yay! ;)

On Joanne's birthday, we went to THAT dodgy bar in the city. We as in Joanne (chick with the bottle of Vodka Cruiser), Trina, Mabel, Steve and me. Thanks to Steve for the photos.


... PIMP! Hahaha.


Boots almost good enough to eat. Almost. ;)


Me likey the criss-cross patterns. From Uniqlo in good 'ol London. ;)

I malas wanna put up all the pictures from that night. Go to Trinity's blog for the rest.

And on Anna's birthday, we surprised her at her place at 12 am. Credits to Tomoko , my long-lost PRIMARY (holy fuck, right, PRIMARY) schoolmate, for the photos.


Isn't she loved? ;) Anna's the one in specs and the red and white top.

That night, we went to dinner at The Brewhouse, a place in the city that prides itself for brewing its own beer and ales (duh). Tomoko (pictured below with me) became my pseudo date and we shared a huge yummy Tuscan platter with various types of breads, dips, smoked salmon, salami, a stingy two pieces of prawns, olives, tomatoes, peppers, lettuce and cheeses.


I like this photo long time!


Can salivate just thinking about it (what more looking at this photo *groan*) and put Pavlov's dog to shame. :P Besides the lack of prawns, the only thing I had to complain about is I like my bread piping hot!


Chanan and his craze for Mickey Mouse! But I still find it quite cool that his sweater came with the necklace, hehe. Reminds me of the time he told me he bought ONE Mickey Mouse shirt for RM100. Could've shot myself.

Then we went on what made it my second shortest clubbing episode ever. Never mind the fact that I was playing pool most of the night, haha.



Carey and Nicky who joined us later. Trinity said I have a sexy back in this photo but all her comment made me think of was Justin Timberlake!

Since we had a long wait for the bus, Tomoko and I sat at McD's over a cup of tea as I asked her about college life. Nyatalah, I missed that part of the typical Malaysian student life since I've been in Brisbane for 3 1/2 years now. She also told me about  government secondary schools and NS. Sometimes I regret missing out on all those, like prom and even SPM. But when I think about boarding and how irreplaceable those two years are, the regrets disappear as quickly as they came. :)

Gone, going.

Working in retail has its perks, besides the staff discounts.

Really. ;)

One of my colleagues, Maria turned 22 the other day. Right before her birthday, she said she was getting old and I protested that she wasn't. 22's just.. well, 22. She was going to celebrate her birthday with a dinner and then going clubbing afterwards and what brought about the old comment was that she said she hadn't been clubbing in awhile.

Then, I came back from the restroom to find Maria helping a woman who looked like she was in her late 30s, early 40s dress up as she changed from outfit to outfit and we helped her accessorise with belts. She also put on what anyone would call killer boots that she had only just purchased as she told me to help her get rid of the box. Stiletto heels, black leather with buckles on them. OKAYYY. Finally, I asked Maria what the lady was dressing up for as she disappeared into the changing room again.

'She's.. going clubbing tonight.'

'... Did you just say she's going clubbing?!'

'Yeah...'

'.... Told you you're not old!!'

When the lady paid for her purchases amounting to over 100 dollars, she said, "Well, the clothes are more important than the beer." Lol!

Another time, another woman in her late 20s came out of the fitting room with a vest on. Yes, just the vest. Might I add it's got a very plunging neckline. She looked great, yes, but it was a very... bold choice. We tell her in all honesty that she looks great and her response: "Yeah, I like it! He's gonna say I look slutty but that's the look I'm going for."

....

Somehow, on a very serious note, the only thing I can say about that is... cool.

And on my last shift on Sunday, two ladies walked in with lots of shopping bags on each arm, laughing about something or other. They looked like they're indulging in very nice retail therapy. Then, one of them stopped in her tracks and said, "Oh my God, I forgot to pick Mom up!'

Imagine that. :P

Five seconds later, her cell phone rang. As she headed out the door hurriedly, she picked up and said, "Mom, I'm so sorry. I forgot...' blah blah

Lol!

Talking about this now almost makes me quite content with my job, hehe...

Thursday

My phone rang. It was already bright outside my window. It was Jon.

"Hello," I answered, trying to sound awake and normal, like I wasn't still in bed at... I didn't know what the time was, but I knew it couldn't be very early if he was calling me.

"Hey. Where are you?"

"I'm in bed."

Laughter from him.

"You're still in bed?"

"Mmm... I slept at 3-something. It's Joanne's birthday... (At this point, Trina mutters sleepily that no, it was Anna's birthday) I mean... Anna's birthday. And we went to her house to wish her. That's why I'm still asleep."

"Oh... okay."

"Why, what's up?"

"Oh, nothing lah. I just wanted to ask you out for lunch."

"Err.. what time is it?"

"It's almost 12."

"Mmm... okay. What time do you want me to meet you?"

"Um... as soon as you get out of bed, brush your teeth, shower and get to uni?"

I giggle a bit.

"Alright."

After a few complications and you peering at me without your glasses, I gathered my things and we picked our food. This hasn't happened in awhile and it's always nice when it does. I miss our Wednesday lunches, when we used to just meet between classes and we'd talk it out over your burger and my salad. That day, it was over chicken fries (him) & cottage pie & pasta. You stood there, patiently waiting with a smile as I pondered before the row of yummy unhealthy fried food, pushing salad away because they took away the salad bar and replaced it with boxes upon boxes of premade salad with select disliked ingredients such as raw onion. Besides, it was brunch.

Some place quiet. We went to the lakeside and ignored all the couples and the two talking loudly not too far away. And then rewind. You talk to me about your problems. And I listen. And give comments when I think appropriate. There are two sofas with rainbow stripes missing because we're sitting on grass. By the lake. It's not like last semester but it almost is. You stop talking to ask me but then I shock you with my answer. Then it's me talking. And you listening. Sometimes you tell me things that surprise me too. And sometimes (or as a consequence) I wonder why all boys can't be this honest. It's been a year since I woke up in your living room on your housemate's bedspread, my head on his pillow. Since I stood at your balcony. Since we both had a beer in our hands. Since we actually became real friends beyond just two people sitting on the carpeted floor amongst a big circle, indulging in the weekend.

You were late for class. You thank me again for my company and I tell you not to be silly. Before you leave in the opposite direction, you give me a hug and I hide my surprise. You've never done that before.

I went a little nuts today. I woke up early to make it to uni to help manage a stall on Market Day but I ended up being a bit late because buses here drive past you and leave you in frustration if they're full. :P Okay, never mind. After close to three hours in the hot sun, I finally excuse myself to go to the city and get presents for Anna and Ana's birthdays. Lol, yes, they're two different people.

I took a different bus to the city and this route ends on a different stop than my usual, outside a row of coffee shops and such. I remembered that there's a very tiny, exquisite chocolate shop at the end of the row called 'Chocolate to die for' and I couldn't resist. Stepping in, a bell announced my arrival and the departure of two ladies. I looked around the store and picked up random things that caught my eye.

While I was in there, there was a pair of girls and another lady browsing. After the shop assistant offered us a very generous sample of a dark chocolate heart, the pair started picking things from the beautiful display. I swear I could just paw and drool at the glass. Mmmm... Anyway, get this. One of the girls picked three or maybe four pieces and handed over close to 6 dollars. FYI, that can buy you at least 200g of Lindt chocolate and have change for a Kit Kat!

In the end, all I picked out was a very very tiny packet of mocha flavoured dark chocolate pieces that were slightly bigger than coffee beans and they cost me close to 3 dollars. When I finally opened them, trust me, I wasn't disappointed. I could've finished them right there and then but hehe, I was sure I'd regret it and I wanted Trinity to try some too.

So... after looking at all that chocolate, I walked through the more expensive shopping mall and stopped at the store facing the front. The one that almost always makes me melt. Nine West. Hehe. It's only about the third time I've walked in there: the first time, I dropped off my resume, and the second, I suddenly felt like going because there were signs that said 'sale'. Obviously, sale means each pair still being cut-throat. =P

I tried on a pair that were really nice, and different from my usual choices, but it was black and I have enough black pairs. I also saw a bag that I liked but I noted that it wasn't very big and it didn't have a zip, so I couldn't close it completely. I put it back in disappointment, although I really wanted a second opinion because the material was just gorgeous. Kinda like really soft type of leather. It's a similar inclination that I have towards cashmere, if that's more understandable? Lol.

It's not that it was very cheap at 40 bucks, but somehow, I think I've accepted that the bigger brands are always going to be more expensive (unless of course, they're fake :P). I shopped about for Anna's present and finally got it, also scoring myself a small clubbing bag in black. I take very simple pouch types to clubs and such so right now, I have one to coordinate every outfit, yay! Then I realised that I do have something at home for Ana and didn't bother to look for her present anymore.

HOWEVER. It didn't stop there. Noooo, siree. I went to Starbucks, got myself a latte and sat down with a book and my chocolates. Yummylicious. After awhile, it occured to me that I still had time before the shops closed and I WAS after a pair of boots. I tried looking unsuccessfully in a small department store because of their unreasonable prices and then finally decided to scout the cheap as ones I normally haunt.

Then I spotted the other Nine West outlet. Oh damn. Unable to resist, I walked in and saw that they had another type of bag that wasn't in the other store. Ooh! I picked it up but didn't like it very much. Then ooh, another bag! And I immediately liked this one cause of its practical size and it's a sling bag. It was dark brown and I saw a black on the top shelf. But I didn't like it very much in black and there was another girl from China looking at the same bag, with her friend.

She didn't get it. According to her, Nine West is made in China and she felt it was kinda stupid purchasing it. Also, she felt the outfit she was wearing would discriminate her opinions. True. But I don't live in China. And she said she thought the bag suited me better. Aww.. :) After a bit of deliberation, I decided that it was practical because I could throw a sweater in, take it to uni to replace my torn bag and finally, not purchase another bag that I had had my eye on.

It's 5 dollars more expensive than the bag I had initially planned to buy from work, but the quality is noticeably better and it's Nine West. THE same Nine West I told Trinity that day that I would one day purchase a pair of boots from. Well, I had a look at their boots but none of them were attractive. After paying $30 for that bag, my senses told me I had made the right decision, even if it had been costly. Take note that I normally never spend that much on one single item. =P I'm a stingy shopper who would usually pick quantity over quality. But I guess some things change.

And after that (yes, the madness continues), I decided to hit a cheap store that I know sold all their shoes for 10 bucks. I had browsed through and found nothing but thought maybe they would bring in new stock. They hadn't, but I saw something similar to the ones I saw at Nine West. I previously hadn't paid attention to it but now, I tried them on. A bit loose but the solution is just to poke another hole so that the strap goes tighter. It wasn't slippery and I missed my old gold-coloured pair.

So that's a new bag, a clubbing bag/pouch and a pair of shoes. My favourite is the new bag! I couldn't stop smiling after buying it and as I was walking to the bus-stop, a very business-like man smiled at me and I realised that I still had the smile plastered on my face. This was about 30 minutes AFTER I had bought my bag! Even right now, I can still smile about it! Makes me think something is seriously wrong with me, hehe.

Yes, I think I'm beginning to enjoy my retail therapy sessions again. The problem with working in retail is that it makes one lose that sense of enjoyment upon making a worthwhile purchase, lose interest in shopping and I even started buying things at my workplace that I would normally never fork out such an amount for. I think I've seen the sense (or rather, NONsense) in that. =) Whee!

Okay, you're asleep now after that long tale. I should be too. It is 3 bloody am. =P In case you're wondering, it's Anna's birthday and we gave her a surprise and that's why I'm still awake. So if you see this, Anna, happy birthday, darling girl. Like you said, you were 16 when we first met and now you're 20. Makes me go wow. =) Many happy returns for the year!