It's not a mad, fleeting crush. This isn't about feeling like a teenager with raging hormones, lusting after the hottest boy in your grade or the girl next door with the brilliant smile, even if they're just that. It's not about wanting back seats in the cinema or someone that you can show off to your friends just to show that you can hook the best male or female specimen.

It's about being able to push aside the hormones, lust, fantasies and daydreams, and seeing something else there. Some call it love. Whatever it is, it's that.

You really would take them as they are. Perfect or not. You can easily disregard the flaws that make themselves known to you. Suddenly, his previous brags about taking any chick he can pick up back to his place don't matter as much. The fact that she breaks down in tears everytime she thinks of him only makes you feel like taking her into your arms and kissing away her tears, telling her it'll all be alright. You're willing to put up with anything, go against your own values and beliefs, just to make it happen.

Just to hear them say yes, they'll take that step forward with you.

Something in you tells you it'll be so right, even the only thing that could make sense in your life. You don't know how someone who has known you for such a short period of time can read you like an open book, when those who have known you for longer question your simplest actions. You've forgotten what life was like before she waltzed in. You're so caught up in wanting to be involved in his everyday that your everyday disappears. You shrug it off when you realise this because it seems to be all you need to make your day right.

And you slowly realise that there is no you without her laughter, or his words.

But you can't help it. You just know that without a word from him for a day, you're incomplete. If she doesn't reply your sms, you pace around your room, waiting so anxiously. All sorts of thoughts run through your head with your rationality down the drain. Intoxicated, you do stupid things that don't make sense to you when you awake. Simplicity no longer exists.

So, like the whistling kettle, you decide maybe it's time to take it off the stove, stop keeping the way you feel to yourself before you scald yourself. Too bad you never noticed how burnt you already are...

I woke up this morning at 8:20 am and groaned. Fucking hell, this is what happens when you're so entranced by the people you chat to online that you'd rather forget that time is ticking and you need to visit Dreamland for at least 8 hours. I turned it off, took my antibiotics (half an hour before food, it said), and set my alarm to go off in another 20 minutes. Just. 20. more. minutes.

Next thing I know, it's 9:30 am. Shit, did my alarm even go off?! Class starts at 10! And I'm meant to meet Mabel before that. I type a quick sms to her to cancel and get dressed and all. I make myself breakfast to go. Mmmm... pikelets. They're tiny versions of pancakes. I threw four of them in the microwave, put butter and honey on and put them in a container. Dried apples, yum. I walk out the door in my black boots and ran a little bit to catch the bus. Thankfully, the driver was a nice one, unlike those who seem to experience PMS, bleed and menopause at the same time. :P

I started to feel a bit dizzy and I thought, serves you right for not sleeping earlier. There were no seats left, so I put my bag down and held on tight to the railing. Dammit, it wasn't going away. You know how you sometimes click the wrong channel on TV and you get those grey screens? I could see those. Argh, I've had this before. Not good. The last time, I was at football practice at 6 am. I knew I shouldn't have had those meds so early!

Finally, we reached the university. Everyone was getting off. But I couldn't move. I half wanted to throw up and half wanted to just lie down. I took a few steps and then just sat on the floor. The next thing I know, I put my head down on a couple of people's shoes. I could hear the bus driver talking and some guy is looking out for me. Argh, and I chose to wear a skirt today. Great. I broke out in cold sweat. Why the hell was it freezing? Then they got me to sit down in a seat.

They watched over me and the bus driver radioed someone. She told me that they're sending an ambulance. I'm too drowsy to give a crap. They tried looking for a jumper in my bag but I don't have one. I didn't know I was gonna go all cold and faint, lol. Both of them started talking among themselves. Oh, my knight in shining armour he's American and he's here for a semester. She (the bus driver) has fainted before and got carpet burns from that. Ouch. She said I'm getting clammy. Ewww..

Two medics appeared. One of them checked something or other and another pricked my finger. OWWW!!! He said it wouldn't hurt!! :( It was to check my blood sugar level. I remember that from my previous blood donation. That is the most painful part of donating blood: them checking your blood type. It still hurts. Okay, it's just annoying. :P They ask a crapload of questions and blah blah. I don't remember anymore. He asks me if I want to come to the hospital. I ask if it's adviseable and he said, yeah, but he can't force me to come. Okay, I'll come.

So I laid in the back of the ambulance. A beddddd... He fired off more questions. Too bad he got most of my answers wrong and I had to fix them all at the hospital anyway. The driver got mad at the traffic a lot and swore a bit. Then they started talking about lunch. Arghhh, I'm hungry! We got there and I waited a long while for a bed. Finally. More questions. Blardy hell, I've repeated myself how many times?! It doesn't help that one of the women interrogating me did seem like she was PMSing.

I put on a purple hospital gown that's open in the back. They take my blood pressure lots of times and an ECG (monitor my heart). I was asked to give a urine sample and I had to ask the doctor tie the gown at the back so I could walk to the bathroom. *shy* Pissing in a cup is no fun. Somehow, getting squished in the arm is. Hehe. The second knight in shining armour The cute guy with the stethoscope The doctor asked a few more questions, and then if there was any chance if I was pregnant. *speechless* He smiled and asked if I was sexually active then. Said it was easier if I just answered that. Made me damn shy. Cute doctor. Haha.

They finally declared that my heart activity is normal, nothing wrong was found in my urine (lol), need to eat breakfast, don't take meds if I'm not gonna eat, drink and eat lots (yay) and my BP is just low. Hypotension. When he first mentioned the word, I wondered if it was the opposite of a hyperactive child. Then I realised what it was. Stupid girl. :P I ate sandwiches, drank some water, and catch a bus out of there. I didn't even know which suburb I was in and had to ask a few medics. :P I came in an ambulance lar!

So I missed all my classes. I spent the day being saved by the knights in shining armours, riding in an ambulance and even going to uni. Too bad I spaced out instead of reading my assignment materials and decided to just go home.

Many people like listening to the songs that only hit the radio, but if you don't mind songs that were not released, you should have a listen to Maroon 5's 'Songs About Jane'.

Ahhh... I remember feeling so disappointed that Australian radios didn't seem very Maroon 5-friendly when I first got here. And then obviously, they got smart and began playing their songs. Two years ago, Ross sent me the lyrics to 'She Will Be Loved', and I loved it. I wondered how it would sound (I didn't have a laptop then or an Internet connection), and then I found out when the radios kept playing it over and over. Funnily enough, I never got sick of it. It's just one of those songs that can't go wrong.

So my top 3 from the album:

1) She Will Be Loved
2) Harder To Breathe
3) Secret

The other top-notch songs are 'Sunday Morning', 'Must Get Out', 'This Love' and 'Sweetest Goodbye', which was featured on the 'Love Actually' soundtrack. 'Through With You' has a similar sound to 'Harder To Breathe', except less abrupt and rough. Lol, if you've heard both songs, you'll know what I mean.

Go on and read "To: No One In Particular" by Fireangel. Fireangel's blog was the first one I read religiously and although this blog's very different from the one she used to own on tblog, I still love what she writes. :) No, this isn't one of the few where she's talking about Hoegaarden or cutting rainbows, hehe.

Listen and read, guys. :)

No, I'm not going to tell you what I ate for dinner. Or breakfast. Or lunch...

But that's only cause I haven't eaten yet! Hehe..

I had the best fish and chips for dinner last night!!

I know, I'm incorrigible. ;)

I've been sick for this entire week and I only just woke up. Yes, it's 1:30 pm. I'm aware I went to sleep before 11 pm last night, and that means I've had 13 hours sleep. If you think I'm the laziest person ever, that is 2 nights of sleep cause I didn't sleep on Thursday, rushing a 1500 word essay on the Cold War. I only managed a 1/2 hour nap on my friend's shoulder yesterday. Hehe, and I keep telling myself that I won't procrastinate on the next assignment. Too bad I'm not even convincing.

Alright, I wrote 'Fall' because I know what it's like. I've been there, done that, and I know most people have too. So basically, I'm just conveying a story everyone knows. :) And if you read the comments, you'll know that no one is alone in this. I maintain that it's not wrong to want something you can't have. Aiks, I just deleted three lines I wrote cause those, boys and girls, belong in the next part and conclusion. I cannot be inspired to write now because I have to run off and take my antibiotics and brunch!

I'm a sick person, literally. :P

Kyels, don't worry about me. :) The story is not about how I feel at the moment. Even if I did, I think I'd be okay dealing with it (or not!) since I'm experienced. Hehe. For those of you who commented, shared your two cents, thank you so much. Because you're helping anyone on their computer who might've felt a little bit isolated before, but not anymore. Wah, I sound so pompous! Lol, but I'm being truthful when I say that. And you guys made me feel better! :)

Oh, and if you guys are after a chat, since my tagboard is not exactly e-mail central, or if you think that people glorify the convenience of e-mail so much when it isn't, add me on MSN. My e-mail add is lime_walk@hotmail.com

I can't do anything if you think MSN's overrated and you deleted it after 5 seconds either! ;)

Especially Kyels, Merv, Loong, Wanster, I hope to hear from you guys on MSN! Cause you guys have left comments here and I really like your blogs. *shy* Hehe, don't shy away!!

*Lots of hugs from a person with a cough and cold!*

... one day something happens.

You suddenly find yourself in tears when you remember that look of pain on his face as he reminisced of the times he spent with her. You find yourself wanting to punch the guy that cannot for the life of him treat her like the princess that she is. He has a death grip, refusing to let go of the past, and it's only hurting him more. Is she ever going to smile again, like she used to? You look in her eyes and they've lost their sparkle.

If only they knew that you were hurting as well.

You've held onto your thoughts and emotions for so long, you're at breaking point. But what can you do? It's never the right time. He's still a broken record, playing the same old song over and over. She won't take the exit even though the door's right in front of her. It's not for you to free him. You can't make her leave him.

Is this how it's going to be? Is it ever going to change?

You look at him. She smiles at you. You want him so badly. You've got to have her as yours. This lid you put on your feelings is breaking. It's all spilling out and you're not even going to try to stop it. You need to tell him. You can't keep it from her.

And you finally realise what you've gotten yourself into...

but can you not be so self-absorbed?!

*** For those who are completely lost here, PPS = Project Petaling Street.'

I know you love the attention. Yes, you want to be the first one to ping PPS. You want to announce your OMFGs or w00t!s to the world and how you think it all went. Or even just write two damn lines on who emerged the star. By all means, do so on your blog. That's not what I'm pissed off about. Being first is so important mah, right? *rolls eyes* You can be the CNN of the entertainment world. Faster than those online entertainment news sites. You're so the updated hor? Yeah, revel in it all. So proud of yourself, aren't you?

Well, I've had it with the way you go about it! You completely selfish brats!

If you don't mind, some people wanna watch TV shows in their own time, whether they're repeats or not. Make that most people, actually. We don't care that you know who won, who did well, who messed up, or who got eliminated because we want to find out for ourselves. It's like someone telling you who died in the Harry Potter book before you even laid your hands on a copy of it (everyone knew someone died so I'm not doing anyone injustice here =P). Or who got eliminated in the latest American Idol episode.

Or in my case, who won the Amazing Race. It doesn't matter that I'm supporting this pair, and I hope they win it (No, I didn't write who I'm supporting anywhere in my blog either). Sheesh!! I want to WATCH them win it! Cheer and scream at the idiot box! Curse all the other participants! That's the joy of shows with a similar concept. That's why most of us watch it: to watch someone succeed, or mess up.

So if you do ping PPS, be considerate. You can still be proud to be the first *rolls eyes again*, but STOP announcing who won/got eliminated/screwed up so badly in the title or the excerpt of your post. You wouldn't wanna find out that way, so why would you do that to other people?! I don't see why you should be so proud of yourself after you ruin it for someone else anyway. Keep it in the content. If we want to find out, we'll go to your blog. We don't need your announcement on PPS.

This has been a community service message. Because I believe it won't just benefit me.

It's a classic story. It's pathetic when you've lost count of how many times it's happened and you even begin to accept it as completely normal. We always want what we can't have. Do you understand now why Eve took that bite? Temptation. Natural attraction. And you know you can't help it.

Beautiful, isn't she? Will you ever forget that face? Those eyes? That voice? When you asked her 'how long will they let you stay?', you meant it. You really do think she fell from heaven to show mortals what beauty is.

And he's wonderful, isn't he? You thought you'd never find a guy who shares those values. Until you met him. That smile... have you ever seen anything so sincere? Will you ever feel that warmth again?

Maybe perfection doesn't exist. But you could swear that he or she really does embody it all. What can you do anyway? You discover something better than anything you could've expected, so obviously, you fall. Fall, fall, fall. Why wouldn't you hold onto him or her, even if it's only mentally? Who doesn't want to say that they have found that person who seems so perfect?

It's the physical attraction, what he or she believes in, your increased heart rate; they all make you want to hold onto the little things. When you see his favourite team's jersey. Her favourite song on the radio. A few words that remind you of him. A girl who looks just like her from the back.

You lose yourself, fall so deep, you can't see that it isn't going to happen. You pray he'll snap out of his single life. You hope she will turn to you one day, and say the magic words. You secretly curse that girl who called out to him and smiled so flirtatiously. You hate that guy that you saw giving her a hug, holding on for two seconds too long.

But you don't realise how far you've fallen. Until...