I always feel this sense of pride everytime I see/hear Malaysia mentioned in any of my lecture. Like today, my Political Science lecture was on multiculturalism, and the notes given to us stated that our government policy supports it. In our tutorial, I also told them about the way we hold open houses during ocassions like Hari Raya and CNY.

But the strangest mention of Malaysia I've come across is that Malaysians have the highest degree of respect and deference between superiors and subordinates. Do you think that's true? I mean, I don't really like my supervisor because of the way the system works. It's pure capitalisation; if you're standing behind the counter while there are no customers, do something. Make wasabi. Fill the fridge. Wipe the windows. Anything. If it's more than 30 seconds that you're standing there while there's no customers, and a supervisor spots you, you're dead.

But I actually understand that they're a business that employs plenty of casuals and temps, and therefore, they wouldn't be big on the whole communication among the team members, or any of those stuff based on motivation to increase sales. Their priority is sales, so she has to make sure that we're doing something that will maximise it at all times. I respect that she has to do a tough job, as much as I want to be tell her that I don't wanna work at all. =P

Lol, I wonder if it's true or false.

P/S: Austria has the lowest. Let's go, let's go! ;)

While waiting for my lecture to start, I began writing an overdue letter to Kassy about what's been happening in my life lately, mostly the not so great stuff. As I was signing off my letter, I wrote that I really missed having her around, and wished she was here so we could laugh and watch movies together. And I started crying.

I miss her. I really, really miss her.

I'm living in her house, with her family, but she's not here. It's strange. After 4 months, I'm still not used to it. It's like I'm surrounded by people all the time, and I've gotten to know many people here, but no one in uni is a Dom, Kassy, Kitty, Trinity or Neng. It sounds like I'm closing myself off, but I don't know anyone in my uni that I'm ready to open up to, like I would to any of them.

Feeling lonely when you're not alone is hard.

I see you slowly appear by my side
Maybe you are
the only one who knows I hurt,
understands that I need someone,
as you quietly stand by me,
reassure me that things'll be okay.
Through the smoke of it all
I wonder if you see me too...

This is the time when all I want to do is make a 180 turn and never see this side of things again.

Last night:

Outrageous amount of food.
Heat.
Strangers and friends.
Stars.
Little connections.
Migrate.
Drinking games.
Break.
Unprecedented events.
Regret.
More escape.
Sleep.
Sunlight in the eyes.
Clean.
Make-do breakfast.
Tired.
Russian poker.
Balcony.
Travel home.
High.

It doesn't matter that nothing makes sense; it hasn't for awhile now.

You told me to wait for you. I nodded. I had been sitting there for the past 20 minutes, not eager to get home to face my assignments; why the hell not? I sipped more water, washing down my latte and sinful chocolate mud cake, listening to the Spanish music. Funny. It was one of the rare occasions that I didn't feel the need to space out to my iPod's list of emo music. You smiled and asked a few questions. I answered.

I was dressed in a top I had worn the night before and the jeans that had dirt marks on them. I had slipped from the oil in the basement and I looked the messiest I have ever been seen in public. I felt the need to run out, buy that dress I have wanted for so long, and change. Come back. Settle in my seat again. Get another latte. Just sit there while time passes, looking at the strangers walking up and down the street.

I glanced at my watch a few times. You told me I could leave if I had to. I smiled and said, "It's okay." I daydreamed of the people who have walked in and out of my life as my eyes glazed over the saucers that your colleague was stacking. At one point, I didn't hear what you said to me until your colleague stared at me and pointed back at you. I was a bit startled, and told you you were being real funny.

Finally, you were done with the cash. I asked if you wanted to catch a movie, but you just shrugged and asked me to go for a walk with you. Your boss told you you smelled again, making me laugh. The scent of cologne. I paid my bill and you whispered that you had given me a discount. I smiled and said thanks and we walked out of the cafe.

Almost immediately, you lighted up a cigarette. I asked where we were going, and you said, "Just a walk." I don't remember what we talked about now. You said hello to so many people along that one street. It was very strange. You asked about a new job. I refused your offer of a cigarette. We continued walking.

You asked if it was strange that we have another coffee and I said no. So we sat at another cafe; this time, you were sitting opposite me. You told me more bits and pieces of your fascinating life. Somehow, fascinating seems like an understatement. I felt like a complete child as we talked, even if the age gap between us is so tiny. You have seen and done so much. Business. I will learn to hate that word.

You complained about my latte. I complained about how sweet the one you made was. You surprised me when you told me about your parents. We talked about uni. I still couldn't believe what you had done. I tried to persuade you to go back, even if it's only to study one subject per semester. You shook your head and lighted another cigarette. You had smoked about 5 by then.

You put out your cigarette because you knew it irked the man behind us. We left the cafe. You wanted to satisfy your inner child: video games. Men. I watched you compete against a few people and they all lost. I lost to you in Daytona. I refused to play any more. We sat outside Gloria Jean's with your friend as both of you lighted up. I said hello to a friend you knew. I relucantly began to believe your statement that you knew a lot of people.

Your friend left. You said hello to more people as we walked to the bus-stop. You disappeared into the cafe for a minute and suddenly, there was a hand on my lower back. You smiled back at me and told me you had to go. Business. I didn't want to know. I probably still don't now. You gave me a hug as you promised to call. I told you that you'd better not be feeding me crap.

"Nice to meet you."

"You too."

Nick says:
how was work?
Nick says:
tiring?
sapphira says:
yup
sapphira says:
it was a pain in the arse
sapphira says:
i can't wait to go again tomorrow =P

sapphira says:
i just kept waking up
sapphira says:
i dreamt that i was late for work
sapphira says:
i suddenly woke up in the middle of the night for no reason
sapphira says:
i woke up at 7 and thought i was late for work
sapphira says:
i got a call at 8ish from my supervisor asking me if i know i'm scheduled to work
sapphira says:
i was like, wtf, no one wants me to sleep
sapphira says:
lol

sapphira says:
i came home, took a shower, and slept
sapphira says:
funny thing is when i woke up, i thought it was the next day and i had to go to work again
sapphira says:
i was like, fuckkk

Soon, I'll do one of those dramatic toss-my-apron-visor-down-and-scream-"I QUIT!" :P Well, I've found a new telemarketing job that hires people 24/7 and pays almost twice as much, but I want to stick to my current job just to see what else I can pick up. It's not that I'm learning to make sushi (though I learnt how to make wasabi today, lol); I'm just interested to know how it all works behind the counter.

Though I think I've had enough. Yeah, after 3 shifts. :P

I went to my Statistics tutorial today and I was placed in a group with 3 other people: a girl whom I think has an Indian background but must be Australian born, a girl whose voice had a certain nasal quality and fidgetted a lot and a guy who has a slight lisp, and he's one of the few who actually answers questions posed by our tutor. Since it was a democracy to vote for who would answer our group question, we all pointed to the guy. :P As we tried to figure out what the hell confidence intervals were, we pretty much looked expectantly at the guy.

Indian girl: Yeah, you can do it. I heard from the other girls you're like a super nerd.

Guy: (smiles) Well, I study all day. I have nothing else to do.

Me: WHAT! You study all day!?!

Guy: Yeah, I do. I've totally given up on TV. It's not productive.

Me: (thinks) Someone kill him. Now. He dissed the idiot box.

We continued on with a worksheet but I was still disturbed by what he said.

Me: I can't believe you said you have nothing else to do!

Guy: Well, I do go out sometimes when my friends call me.

Indian Girl: Are your friends all super nerds as well?

Guy: Err.. no. We're a mixed group.

Indian Girl: Oh.

Guy: Most of my friends live in the Sunshine Coast anyway. So basically I do nothing while I'm here (in Brisbane) but study and go to uni.

Me: ....

I may regret partying a little too much, but I sure as hell would be tormented if I have done no partying since I have started uni this year!

And to think that this guy just turned 18. Pfft. What a colourful life.

Last night, I downloaded the entire Wicker Park soundtrack upon watching the movie again and I love it. I swear, it's music for the soul. When I listen to it, I just feel like lying down with my eyes closed, and the thoughts naturally come and go.

Here's my favourite few from the compilation:

Stereophonics: Maybe Tomorrow
Mazzy Star: Flowers in December (If I'm not mistaken, their vocalist is Corrine Bailey Rae, who sings 'Another Rainy Day'. Either that or their voices are way similar!)
Coldplay: The Scientist (because I don't like the cover version included in the album)

Haunting Instrumentals:

Mum: We All Have A Map of The Piano
Mogwai: I Know You Are But What Am I

Different Vocals:

+/-: All I Do
Aqualung: Strange and Beautiful (also listen to their 'Take Me Home')

And the other tracks I find amazing:

Lifehouse: Everybody is Someone
Snow Patrol: How To Be Dead

The whole album is a great listen, so try to get it and listen in sequence. As you relax to it, I recommend you read this: Fix You, by Otto. Despairingly beautiful. The ultimate touch is the last part of the post; even if you already know it, read it.

I hope I can make Food For Soul entries weekly. Some of you might think it's just a flashy name for my emo words, but just remember that what feeds my soul might be entirely different from what feeds yours.