If you had known what it was like trying to hold onto the threads that were you, physically and mentally, then maybe you would've felt just a little bit compelled to take me with you...

But you never did. You were too preoccupied holding onto someone else's threads... And I guess this is what's called even. Since someone else was holding onto the threads that were me too. Funny how the world works. It's just a little fucked up. If only everything worked on reverse, just for this.

Don't you just hate the way happiness can rule your life for only the very few moments that sadness does not prevail? And sadness lingers in the air for so much longer?

Since the day I let you go, I've been hoping that you've been able to do the same... Because it's only something you can do on your own. No amount of coaxing, flattery or force, on my part or someone else's, can make you decide that it's time.

But then again, maybe you don't want to...

You were the one who knew me best; I'm softer than I appear to be. You made me realise that I bend backwards for a lot of people. And then I changed everything. I spoke my mind. You as the receving end... I really wonder if you had already known before the words escaped me... I bet you did.

If only things hadn't changed, if only I hadn't made them change... Do you think we'd be this way now?

Shit, I just looked at my calendar. My dad will be here next week. Next Friday. March the 3rd. Fort Minor's gig is on that day!!

Fuckkkkkkkkkkkk!

Okay, this is not fair! I feel like a kid watching an adult dangle candy in front of me and I can't fricking reach it!! :(

Listening to 'Where'd You Go' again... ArghhH!!!

Second time around. :(

I was in the city with Simmy after pancakes, when she said she wanted to go to HMV, Aussie version of Tower Records. She bought two CDs and I made her sign up for membership. So the guy behind the counter gives her her card and tells her that she is now eligible to get a 'buy 1, free 1' Fort Minor ticket.

Say what...?

AHHHH!!!! Fort Minor's coming to Brisbane!! Okay, you have no idea how upset I was that I'd be missing out on the gig in KL. Hello, 90 bucks to watch Fort Minor? As if you wouldn't! Mike Shinoda is so fricking hot! I was just telling Ryan bitterly last night that it was ironic how they're in KL while I just left the place after I got him to listen to the album. 'The Rising Tied' is my favourite album at the moment. I just keep playing it on my iPod and I LOVE 'Where'd You Go'. Lol, just this morning, I changed my side panel to tell you guys to have a listen to it and guess what?! Now I might just be able to go and watch him perform it live! As well as 'Right Now', 'Kenji', 'Petrified' and all those other songs! YAY!! 

 

Screenshot from Liveguide.com.au

Just one problem. Need to break it to Dom, who still thinks that we might go to James Blunt's performance. *wince*

Okay, I love James Blunt. Who doesn't? He has to be one of the top performers of raw songs. The problem is I'm not so enthusiastic about forking out 80 bucks just to see and hear him sing. I do like a few of his songs but not all. I mean, have you ever listened to 'Back To Bedlam' from the start till finish? Don't. You'll feel like kicking your CD player. He's good for 5 songs straight, at most. Blunt's probably gonna just stand or sit there the whole time. I definitely do not expect him to dance, or anything like it, but jeez, his performance is not worth 80 bucks. Plus Mike Shinoda is hotter. I don't know how much Fort Minor's gonna be but with that 'buy one, free one', I reckon it's not going to burn a hole in my pocket. Well, not that big a hole anyway.

I think Australia hasn't been properly introduced to Fort Minor, dammit. So Dom has probably never even heard of them. Then again, she's not even close to being a fan of hip-hop. Yeah, put her on a dancefloor and she loves anything that she can dance to, but I don't think anyone's meant to dance to Fort Minor, lol. That's a completely different version of hip-hop dedicated to booty-shaking. With Fort Minor, you're just meant to... echo the lyrics. Put your hands up. *Daydreaming of Shinoda leading the audience to sing the chorus of 'Remember the Name'...* Argh, HE IS HOT!!

Okay, I NEED to go and drool at Mike Shinoda... I HAVE to go to the gig!

'Yesterday was over, today I'm fine without you. Run away this time without you. And all the things you put me through, I'm holding on by letting go of you..." All-American Rejects' Straitjacket Feeling

Thanks to Morbid Muse for introducing me to this song.

---

I've just opened the balcony door further, and it's revealed to me the beautiful sight of tall, blindingly green trees with the leaves that seemingly sway and dance slowly to the rhythm of the light rain. There's the gentle sound of a stream flowing from the water gathering below me. The sky's almost white, and this is indeed the sound that makes you stop to listen, with the air that I breathe the way nature intended it to be; the most natural, sweet-smelling perfume of all. How can a place so beautiful and so peaceful that it can sterilise anyone, only make me crave for the polluted air, the heavy, mad rain, and the hot, humid demeanor of what can only be described as truly Malaysian...?

---

Yup. I'm quite insane at the moment. I think it's the lack of sleep that is really making me lapse into these different moods. Honestly, I haven't had a good night's sleep for a week now. And this has never happened to me before. Well, ever since I got here, I was jetlagged on the first night, and I had slept on the plane. The second night, I tried sleeping after staying online but all these random thoughts just kept coming. Maybe cause I had come back from uni that afternoon and died on the bed after a shower for 3 hours. On the third night, I did the exact same thing.

Then I moved to Kassy's, and I'm not someone who minds sleeping in foreign places. On the contrary, people who have been in the same classes with me would know better. But I just couldn't sleep. The weird sound of the fan didn't bother me. I had my music playing (I have this habit of switching on music before I sleep). Last night, I went to bed at close to 12, I had had the longest day in the history of the longest days, and sleep just didn't come till 2. What in the world...? I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst sore throat, and had water and again, it took awhile for me to go back to Dreamland.

And I finally woke up at 8. For some stupid, unknown reason, I just couldn't go back to sleep. I don't even have uni today! Arghhh... My whole body is aching now and I want a nice shoulder massage. :( Tell me that this temporary bouts of... hmmm... insomnia will end soon cause I really would like to sleep for one night of at least 8 hours with no interruption whatsoever. And I don't mean sleep comes after 2 hours of tossing and turning. I mean, sleep as soon as my head touches the pillow.

If you have any remedy that isn't a sleeping pill or lots of passionate sex, please let me know, thanks.

Something's wrong with me. I picked International Relations and Political Science as my electives for this semester. You would think that I'd pick Latin or Media Studies or some equally dazzling subject like that, but noooo... I should've done Chinese, improve my cacat Mandarin, ergh.

I felt like going for something to do with writing, but then again, my writing's bad. And I don't feel up to studying Australian literature anyway. Might as well pick something I know absolutely nothing about.

Oh shit, I do know nothing about International Relations and Political Science. Argh.. Okay, I'm scaring myself. Lalala.

Ahhh.. where to start? Let's start with university makes high school look like.. well, high school. :P O-week is making me feel like tearing my hair out is the best idea in the world.

Today was the maddest day. Market day is when loads of free stuff is given out, besides the usual con-artist stalls. So as you can imagine, it was full. People who don't attend my uni turned up to grab stuff. But I didn't get to do much cause from 10 till 3, I was stuck in seminars. Really boring ones. For lunch, I had watermelon, sitting on the stairs, waiting for another seminar to start. And as if that's not enough, the campus here is so fucking huge that I got lost too many times to remember. I don't like complicated maps. :(

You know what it's like seeing people from the past you thought you'd never see again and they're not exactly the people who brighten your day? Mmm... I'm making my day sound even better, aren't I? Well, I'm just hoping they don't end up in any of my classes. I don't even want to see them anywhere on campus. Farewells were said a long time ago, no hellos afer 3 months necessary to make my life worse, thanks.

Right now, I'm at Kassy's house. Finally moved here last night and I've got this nice, comfy room downstairs and the best part: it has a damn FAN! Woohoo! I love it! Had to change the sheets first though cause Ryan, Kassy's brother told me that he left sand and hair on it, because he seems to be molting. :P And there is a Japanese girl living here temporarily, as well as 2 Hong Kongese guys next door to me. They have no idea I speak Cantonese and I'm not about to let them know. Until... ;)

After this long day I have been conned joined the:

Borneo Students Association (with all the Taiwanese, Hong Kongese, etc, and they claimed to be the party society, I got sucked into it by one of my ex-seniors),

UQ Malaysian Students Association (Mamak Night, yay!),

Psychology Students Association (the most expensive at 7 bucks, I'd better get lotsa help from them!), and

Dance Club (the cheapest one at 2 bucks).

I just spent 20 bucks on what I suspect will prove to be... nothing worthwhile! Ripped off, just great. But anyway, I came back to the house and after going grocery shopping with Kassy's mom, Clare, I had yummy kaya and butter sandwich. Mmm, thanks Averdim! You're a lifesaver! I'm sorry one container terdied-ed. :( I still salvaged half of it that didn't go into the plastic bag and licked my fingers clean, yay!

Trinity has gone mad. I was joking that I should yell out to one of the Hong Kongese guys to marry me in Cantonese. And she liked that idea! She just kept telling me to do it! While I'm in a sarong. From the balcony. To their place in the garage. Tell me... what did you do with Trinity while I'm gone, huh?!

Alright, so that's what's been happening. It's as boring as it sounds. Oh, the guys just gave me chocolate. No, not just me, the entire house, alright? Argh, noooo, there goes my hard work of walking around my huge campus. Ah well, they're yummy Cadbury. :) Mmm...

Ooh, I can smell dinner! I know I'm not gonna lose weight this time around, just as usual!

My MSN Hotmail's dead. :( And I can't revive it cause I can't remember which US state I'm meant to be living in. So much for 250 MBs of space. What's the point if you can't even access the damn thing? And I've been using it for so many years now, arghhh.

Oh what the hell. I can't remember all you guys' email adds. :( Add now!

sapphira.tlx@hotmail.com

This is so fricking annoying.