You know you're disorganised when you make it to your first ever lecture, take your seat gratefully, and then suddenly realise that you have no clue which lecture this is.

What an embarassing confession. Next!

Well, the day kicked off with me rushing to the bus-stop after quickly gobbling down my sandwich, only to find out that Ryan gave me the wrong bus times. So I waited. And waited. When I finally spotted the bus, I put out my hand...

The bus just goes past me like I'm invisible. And I'm left staring at it, completely dumbfucked, as it makes its way to my uni with everyone else who will make it on time.

So I decide to calm down. Maybe the next bus will come NOW, just magically appear like the one from Harry Potter (Pris, someone, help me here. Isn't there the word 'Knight' in it?) and I'll be ever so thankful...

When another bus just goes past again.

God help me if I ever meet those bus drivers!

(At this point, I don't care that I don't even know what they look like)

So I had to catch a lift from Ryan, who informed me that the buses don't stop when they're full. Well, screw that, I don't care if I have to sit on someone's lap and break their legs in the process, I want to make it to uni on time!

Now, fast-forward to the lecture. I quickly search my bag for my schedule and oh, it's Introduction to International Relations. Should be interesting.

Well, I was right. And it also made me feel very inferior, stupid and ignorant. Forget about my barely-noticeable blonde streaks now, I ought to just bleach my head blonde to let everyone know, especially the lecturer, that I have no idea what the Cold War is about, sovereign to me just sounds like a nice word to put in front of state, and that I wasn't here in Australia in 2001 (or 2002, whatever) when the whole 'children overboard' happened, so I had no clue what that damn picture was all about until he let us know.

Ask me about the shit that's hit the fan in Malaysia, and maybe I'd have just the briefest idea. Heck, ask me about bird flu (or not). Dammit, and he goes on to say that there is no assumed knowledge for this course. Could've fooled me, buddy.

Bitching aside, he is a very charismatic speaker. I was only drowsy and daydreaming because of my medication. If only he'd stop pacing about. I find it hard concentrating on someone with authority (like a lecturer) speaking if I'm not looking at them, so my neck was slowly feeling the pain. I hope I don't burst out one day at him to stop that annoying habit.

I don't know if I'm cut out for this class. I don't know if I'll be able to cope. Looking at the reading list made me a bit faint. Then again, I suppose uni was never meant to be easy. I do enjoy classes like this with discussions about real issues, looking beyond your own viewpoint, and even seeing things from a politician's eyes. But what if I mess up royally? What if my assessment goes to bits? I want to say that what I get out of the class in terms on personal gains and not results is what really matters but I'd be lying through my teeth.

Hey, admitting my fears and weaknesses is not my expertise, but right now, I think it might as well be. :)

The easy way out of all this is to take Chinese as my elective instead. I never received any formal education in Chinese, so I ought to qualify for it. I won't have to buy a fat textbook on globalisation and world politics. I might just achieve good results for once in more than 2 years. I'll be able to stop reading subtitles and fully understand soppy lines in silly romantic series like Meteor Garden. And stop asking my Taiwanese friends for help with my Mandarin.

But should I? I don't want to regret not giving International Relations a shot. I'm not sure if I'll have electives next semester to mess about with though...

Decisions, decisions... If only they wouldn't impact my life so much... And the worst thing is you'll probably never meet anyone as indecisive as me.

Had a couple of interesting conversations last night that kept me up till 2 am on MSN, most captivating topic being fantasies. Nah, not gonna go into details. :) Well, the topic only came about because I find it hard to back down from people thinking they had me. To think that the entire conversation started with DJ Tiesto... well, I guess it's a reminder that origins and roots can seem mundane, but they eventually become what it is today (umm.. not that Tiesto isn't fascinating, okay?). Sorry, digressed. :) 

Listening to Linkin Park's From The Inside, a rediscovered treasure.

Anyway, I had lunch with the Tiesto fan in the city. It was really interesting, listening to him talk about marketing ventures. I mean, this guy is seventeen, my age, and there he was, sounding like he's been in the business for 5 billion years as he casually made references to Richard Kiyosaki (writer of 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad') just the way guys back home (oops, he's Malaysian too, but that's not the point) talk about Wayne Rooney! It just made me think that the way I fuss over not being able to attend Fort Minor's concert is really juvenile. Lol.

Don't for a minute think I'm not still pissed off though, grrr...

Mmm... then tonight, I had dinner at a Chinese restaurant near the train station with Carey, Ali and Tristin and afterwards, we decided to catch a movie. Because I'm not 18 and Tristin didn't want to watch all that gore, we didn't pick 'Hostel'. And because I'm the youngest (yay for once) and I didn't want to watch 'Derailed', I picked 'Imagine Me and You', described as a romantic comedy with Piper Perabo (you ought to remember her as the chick from 'Coyote Ugly'). No, don't tell me I committed a crime just by picking that over 'Derailed'. :P

The movie was... interesting. See, I want to discuss the plot with you guys, but that'd be ruining it for you. So after you've watched it, let me know what you think. :) I liked the funny moments, as well as the acting. It seemed like there was genuine chemistry, unlike John Cusack's 'Must Love Dogs', which was completely disappointing. For the record, I like John Cusack, so there's no bias, okay? I know most people don't like Matthew Goode (the guy from 'Chasing Liberty'), but I find him alright. Well, what can I say? British accents rock, especially to people in Australia. :P

I gotta say that it's been a bit hard being back here in Brisbane without the people that I hope that I haven't taken for granted, like Kassy and the boarder girls. I really miss the times in high school where people were so near to me, literally. When I met up with Simmy, she asked me if I felt that Dom has been pushing me away, because she's been feeling that way, and I realised that it's true. I hope that I'm wrong, and that she's just excited about starting uni. Then there're the people whom I've been avoiding, but really, I honestly had thought at that time that the friendship we shared was so much stronger than this, but I was obviously wrong.

But I'm really grateful for the friends I have, like those three I spent tonight with. Carey is planning to hold a second party for those of us who aren't 18. Ali invited me to play soccer and when I told him I wouldn't be able to make it because I was sick, he asked if I was alright and then called me tonight to tell me to join them for dinner. Tristin has always been a good friend, offering a hug and shoulder to cry on when he knows I need either or both of them. He waited till my cab came and his mom is the loveliest person. She knows I'm back and since I'm a big coffee addict, she passed a message to call her when I have time so we can have coffee together.

Really, if being popular and having lots of friends means having the ones that don't know you best, I'd rather have these few close ones that completely understand and care for me.

Sigh, uni tomorrow, dammit. Thank God my first lecture is my one and only for tomorrow and it starts at 12. Funny thing is Ryan, Kassy's brother will be attending a lecture at 2, right after mine, at the exact same room. So yes, just as I escape, he goes in for his 2 hours of boredom.

Wish me luck that I don't get lost in that big campus or do something stupid on my first day. :)

You have to be kidding me... I could laugh all day!

Something is definitely wrong with you. My sarcasm was dancing in your face, slapping you around occasionally with a trout even (definitely too much mIRC when I was younger), and you didn't feel a thing??

People, you need to read this. Those of you who already have, scroll down and look at the comment that was posted.

Some people are either really thick... or really thick.

Cough medicine's making me drowsy and it's only 3 in the arvo. I know it's bad that I've only been awake for less than 3 hours and I'm tempted to climb into bed again, but cut me some slack. I'm sick, okay? :P

Listening to DJ Tiesto's Obsession

I think I need to make plans for tomorrow. It feels very wrong to be sitting in this house 24/7 after keeping myself busy the entire holidays. Just wait till uni really kicks in. Then I'll fully appreciate days without agendas and stop bitching about it.

After Wednesday, when I have classes from 12 till 6 and dance workshop at 6:30. Bet I'll crash by 8:30. ZzzzZzzzzZ...

Off to pay another visit to Dreamland...

Headache, cough, sore throat, occasional fever. I woke up this morning feeling much better than last night, and then the headache hit me. And now, I'm sitting here blogging when I'm meant to be at the Valley, celebrating Carey's 18th birthday. Of course, I wasn't going to join her clubbing session tonight, but dammit, this really sucks. Ah well, at least I don't have to pretend to be blind to 3 people. I suppose my absence makes it easier for them too.

Anyway, I learnt two very important lessons today to do with uni:

#1: It's always good to have an umbrella handy. Especially when you're caught in the rain with a white top.

#2: It's never a bright idea to wait till the last day to pay your fees, especially cause 500 other people seem to think exactly the way you do.

And uni hasn't even started. My education's just begun.

If you had known what it was like trying to hold onto the threads that were you, physically and mentally, then maybe you would've felt just a little bit compelled to take me with you...

But you never did. You were too preoccupied holding onto someone else's threads... And I guess this is what's called even. Since someone else was holding onto the threads that were me too. Funny how the world works. It's just a little fucked up. If only everything worked on reverse, just for this.

Don't you just hate the way happiness can rule your life for only the very few moments that sadness does not prevail? And sadness lingers in the air for so much longer?

Since the day I let you go, I've been hoping that you've been able to do the same... Because it's only something you can do on your own. No amount of coaxing, flattery or force, on my part or someone else's, can make you decide that it's time.

But then again, maybe you don't want to...

You were the one who knew me best; I'm softer than I appear to be. You made me realise that I bend backwards for a lot of people. And then I changed everything. I spoke my mind. You as the receving end... I really wonder if you had already known before the words escaped me... I bet you did.

If only things hadn't changed, if only I hadn't made them change... Do you think we'd be this way now?

Shit, I just looked at my calendar. My dad will be here next week. Next Friday. March the 3rd. Fort Minor's gig is on that day!!

Fuckkkkkkkkkkkk!

Okay, this is not fair! I feel like a kid watching an adult dangle candy in front of me and I can't fricking reach it!! :(

Listening to 'Where'd You Go' again... ArghhH!!!

Second time around. :(

I was in the city with Simmy after pancakes, when she said she wanted to go to HMV, Aussie version of Tower Records. She bought two CDs and I made her sign up for membership. So the guy behind the counter gives her her card and tells her that she is now eligible to get a 'buy 1, free 1' Fort Minor ticket.

Say what...?

AHHHH!!!! Fort Minor's coming to Brisbane!! Okay, you have no idea how upset I was that I'd be missing out on the gig in KL. Hello, 90 bucks to watch Fort Minor? As if you wouldn't! Mike Shinoda is so fricking hot! I was just telling Ryan bitterly last night that it was ironic how they're in KL while I just left the place after I got him to listen to the album. 'The Rising Tied' is my favourite album at the moment. I just keep playing it on my iPod and I LOVE 'Where'd You Go'. Lol, just this morning, I changed my side panel to tell you guys to have a listen to it and guess what?! Now I might just be able to go and watch him perform it live! As well as 'Right Now', 'Kenji', 'Petrified' and all those other songs! YAY!! 

Screenshot from Liveguide.com.au

Just one problem. Need to break it to Dom, who still thinks that we might go to James Blunt's performance. *wince*

Okay, I love James Blunt. Who doesn't? He has to be one of the top performers of raw songs. The problem is I'm not so enthusiastic about forking out 80 bucks just to see and hear him sing. I do like a few of his songs but not all. I mean, have you ever listened to 'Back To Bedlam' from the start till finish? Don't. You'll feel like kicking your CD player. He's good for 5 songs straight, at most. Blunt's probably gonna just stand or sit there the whole time. I definitely do not expect him to dance, or anything like it, but jeez, his performance is not worth 80 bucks. Plus Mike Shinoda is hotter. I don't know how much Fort Minor's gonna be but with that 'buy one, free one', I reckon it's not going to burn a hole in my pocket. Well, not that big a hole anyway.

I think Australia hasn't been properly introduced to Fort Minor, dammit. So Dom has probably never even heard of them. Then again, she's not even close to being a fan of hip-hop. Yeah, put her on a dancefloor and she loves anything that she can dance to, but I don't think anyone's meant to dance to Fort Minor, lol. That's a completely different version of hip-hop dedicated to booty-shaking. With Fort Minor, you're just meant to... echo the lyrics. Put your hands up. *Daydreaming of Shinoda leading the audience to sing the chorus of 'Remember the Name'...* Argh, HE IS HOT!!

Okay, I NEED to go and drool at Mike Shinoda... I HAVE to go to the gig!