I insist that last night was a good session because my CS deaths were actually equivalent to my kills. Never happened before. So swallow it down and shush.

I've been told to get a guy because I replied 'what social life?' when asked how it is. What. the. hell? Since when does having someone equate to having a social life? I think denial is speaking but come on, I have a point.

Most couples HAVE no social life. I've kinda lost count of how many friends I've lost to their girlfriends and boyfriends because oh right, you've just gotten together and you gotta spend every moment with them and slowly descend into the point where friends no longer exist. I DO believe in the whole romantic 'there's only you' bit (what a stupid admission, but anyway), but I also like the part that continues on to say 'and there's also my friends'.

Kill me if I ever become a half of a pair who ditches my friends for my man just cause I feel obliged to. Ridiculous.

Anyway, then he continues to say that 'it's fun'. To get a guy. Is it me or does he make it sound like I just need to run along and pick up the newspapers? :P Well, he said he didn't mean it that way, only that I should find someone I can connect with. How do you go from the earlier point to that, I'll never comprehend. All I could do was remind him that it's not just me who makes one relationship. The other, extremely crucial person is... okay, not going there.

Well, just to let my friend know, no, I'm not worried I won't meet people and I'm not exactly scared to be forward. Yes, I know it's not easy to find someone I like. I hate stating the obvious, but anyway, moving along now, thanks for just bugging off online with a 'in the end, no matter who you have, you are alone in this world'.

I really don't have a shortage of bitches in my life. Please don't join them. I mean, you have to take a fucking number?

I hate patronising people who are halves of a pair. Almost as bad as mad relatives.

Have a brilliant day, now that I'm done chewing your ears eyes off.

Fricking hell. I am in painnn. If you've never known what it's like to go ice-skating after not doing so for half a year, allow me to enlighten you. It hurts like crap in the beginning, disappears and then comes back afterward for what seems like forever and forever.

I was at Sunway Pyramid today to meet up with Howie. The car conveniently died in the morning though, so the battery had to be replaced beforehand. Guess the mechanic decided to take his sweet time cause by the time the car was ready, I was half an hour late. *wince*

Dave's Deli's was.. err.. okay. Yeah, not even worth going into detail. Suffice to say that the other eateries (does the plural exist?) now look much more attractive. :P After that, we headed to the ice-skating rink.

I almost forgot how good it is to ice-skate, until today. There's something so cool about ditching the conventional method of our daily travel, walking, and just.. gliding. Lol, that sounded like I'm high. :P I can't remember which one of us slipped first but the other person went down too, trying to support the perpetrator, lol.

When I fall, I always end up laughing, not bothering to pick myself up first. How embarassing, you might think, and you turn away, pretending not to know me. But I don't care. Tell me what ice-skating should be if not fun, right? It sure as hell will never be my profession! It rocks my socks to be able to fall and laugh about it. It's the one time when falling seems like the most fun and sensible thing to do.

Why do you think they call it falling in love anyway? (Source: How To Deal, 2003)

So... which one of you feels up for a fall a trip to the ice-skating rink before the 19th of this month? :)

Averdim came over this morning to my place. I wanted to write what happened today, but I realised that it's very.. hmm.. repetitive? So, I've decided that this post is dedicated to pimping him, yay! Oh, he's gonna kill me. Or make me remove this post. Well, I'll take my chance! :P I'll pick ten things about him or this post will be wayyy too long. Anyone who wants more information, I'm on MSN a lot!

Okay, number one: he greets you with a hug. And it's not one of those really loose, meaningless hugs. It's a tight, I've-missed-you hug, even though he's 'san thew thew' (you need more cheesecake and coffee sessions!). Yay, 5 stars! I like, I like!

Two: this guy is extremely polite and respectful. He made sure to greet my grandparents and my mom and to wish them a happy new year. He watched out for my granddad and opened and closed car doors. I think he charmed their socks off!

Three: I'm not the best host. I rarely receive friends over, so I didn't really know what to do. But even though it was silent in the beginning, I didn't feel awkward at all, and I hope he didn't too! He just has a way of making people feel comfy around him.

Four: he dresses well. It's like effortless. Or maybe he just always looks good?

Five: 'He reads and writes poetry.' Haha, a line from Sepet! But yeah, he does that. :) And which girl doesn't like that?? He reads a lot, full-stop.

Six: Honest, smart conversation. I disagree with him on rare occasions.

Seven: I dragged him to a few places today because I had to and he didn't complain. Not once. Awww, sweet! Thanks so much!

Eight: Okay, this isn't a plus point for me cause we live pretty far from each other, but I think most girls would like that he drives.

Nine: Next to Trinity, he's probably the one that I've had the most heart-to-hearts with. There is nothing that can endear a person to me more than that; that he is willing to listen. And he gives good advice to go with the listening.

Ten: That cheeky grin! Makes you feel like grinning and wonder what he's up to!

Well, there you have it. My ten points about him. You are gonna watch the sequel to Sepet with me the next time I'm back, and I don't care if it'll be your tenth time! Emotionally-charged, sensitive, weepy films rock my world, yay! :)

I honestly thought I had informed everyone that I'm going back to Brisbane on the 19th of this month (changed my flight date to accomodate a trip to Penang) but Howie got a shock yesterday when I said I'll buy a pretty pair of gloves instead of the lousy ones they sell at the ice-skating rink on Friday so that I can take it with me to Australia.

Oops. Okay, I don't understand how that slipped my mind cause if there's one person I talk to everyday, it's him. Something's definitely wrong with me these days!

About UK, my application is in. Everything's done. But I'll only hear from them in.. I don't even know when exactly. :P I'm off to Brisbane to complete one semester of psychology, and if I do well, I'll stay on, complete my Honours and Masters if I qualify. But if that one semester's results turn out crap, and I get an offer from a UK university silly enough to accept me (goodbye, Bristol, you can keep that fricking essay), then I'll go. I'll love them forever for their silliness.

So till the 19th, I'll still be here packing (the usual ongoing procrastination), eating like I'm famished (OMG, I went to Delicious yesterday for the 3rd day in a row!), sleeping over, doing unnecessary shopping for myself and my lovelies back in boarding, finishing up my enrolment (not even half complete =.=), meeting up with people (Stephie'll be in KL soon, yay!), watching the OC, and blah the blah.

Still. here. :)

When I really got serious about blogging, I realised that it would be pointless if I had to watch every single word that I typed. I don't mean that I would like to be sued for libel, defamation, blah the blah. I don't like the idea of me hiding the truth, sugar-coating my words (read blog title), just because of the smallest possibility that someone I previously bitched about stumbles upon my blog.

I'm not exactly the biggest blog-whore I know. I think I understand what discretion is. There are many people whom I would never even think of showing this blog to. But then there are the people who find out about it and when I hear that they actually read my blonde words, I get the shock of my life. But I digress.

So anyway, I think that my blog is just my opinion, my words. If you haven't yet realised, and you'd have to be quite blur to not have, you can never reach an agreement with everyone in the world. I see things differently from you and I don't expect everyone to fully understand my views, and neither should you. Patronising? Just the truth.

Maybe I don't know that you've been reading my blog. But if I do realise that and I still write something you don't like, just remember that this is my blog, my avenue of release. I've been writing for years and I don't intend to change the way I write just for the people who read my blog, which is not many to start with anyway. You can tell me what you don't like, but I can't promise that I'll do anything about it.

I think you choose what you read and I'm not forcing you to read my blog. This is a long disclaimer-like post, but it's been in my head for awhile now.

---

Lately, I've been holding back my words, just because I know that the person I want to talk about will read them, and I get the feeling it'll get uglier if he does. I'd type them and then slowly delete them, watch my work (not the job context) disappear. Things were less complicated when there was just that small circle of people (like, less than 5?) reading this blog, but I can't say that the complication has been for the worse. This blog has helped me fill in a lot of gaps in my life with people. But it remains mine, so I've decided that I'm being stupid.

Now, this is me refusing to hold back any longer. This is what I meant to say for the past few days:

For hating you, I blame myself (Kelly Clarkson's Behind These Hazel Eyes)

When did I go back and take that road again? AGAIN. Why's it only hitting me now in the face that I only took one step forward, and about 10 steps back? I hate feeling like I went back against my own wishes to forget about hoping for bloody red rain to fall. It's disappointing as well. I thought that I was already halfway through, pushing myself to let everything slide, since I realised how stupid I was being. But now I see that the stupidity only increased.

It's frustrating and annoying, holding onto the weary threads of impossible dreams. I wish you'd say something, but I think it'd only make things worse. The way things are now is bad enough. Indifference hurts enough. Confrontation would end everything, making anything between us seem worthless. This is when I begin to think that being picky isn't good.

No, there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It's not even a fricking rainbow to start with; it's an unpaved path (it's not even a road) with potholes no one bothered to cover. But isn't it unfair, hitching a ride with the first person you see without considering how they feel? It's a 'been there, done that' for me. Taking that road again seems like the wrong thing to do.

I'm jumping ship for the second time. Make me believe that I'm doing what I want to: let go. See it as suicide, what-fucking-ever. Better still, leave me. Let me be. I'll just hope I drown quick cause if you're the one who throws me the lifeline, I'm worried I'll take it. Again.

If you didn't understand any of that, well, I'm not sure I do either, now that I've read over my words again. But like I said, my blog.

I was at Mid Valley really early this morning and managed to do what I've been meaning to do for awhile now: try out Coffee Bean! As I expected, not as good as Starbucks. Why so stingy with your espresso? My mocha tasted like warmish chocolate milk! And latte... well, let's just say I'm never going to Coffee Bean again for a latte or mocha. But, their scones were great. Mmm.. good for breakfast, even if I didn't like their orange rind smell, which somehow reminded me of pepper.

I then took my National Admissions Test for Law (LNAT) and I messed up the essay. I'm a person who takes awhile to organise my thoughts and am only able to write decently when inspiration hits me and this occurs in.. er.. energetic bursts. :P Too bad none of it came. *wince* I could only make do and I was finishing my last word to almost reach the 500 mark (meant to write 500-600) when my session timed out. So, 'many workplace ethics' became 'man workplace ethics'. Obviously not what I meant to say. Bet Bristol Uni's gonna love reading that sentence over and over again!

I hit 1-Utama with Trinity later in the afternoon and see, something unpleasant must've happened cause her MSN nickname now says 'don't ask me what happened in Selfridge'. Haha, let me be the naughty cousin as I divulge some well-chosen details. I only hope that the guy I'm talking about isn't unfortunate enough to stumble upon this blog! ;)

For years weeks now, Trinity has been talking about this hottie who works in Ms. Selfridge. Ahhhh... My cousin and I always agree on who's hot among movie stars but not very often guys who we meet or just spot on the street. I have never seen him myself till today. But anyway, she was dared by her friend to say hi and do the usual 'can I have your phone number?' Kill me first before I miss the opportunity to witness all that!

It wasn't all play. She was collecting catalogues from clothes boutiques for an article as well. So as we entered one of them, I caught sight of a reallly hot guy. We went in and immediately, I grabbed Trinity by the arm and started the 'OMGDidYouSeeThatReallyHotGuySittingThereByHimself?!' Umm.. I swear that my vocabulary disappears momentarily on less than five occasions in a year. :P Or maybe more. But that's not important. Trinity replied that it's him! The Selfridge Hottie!

Sorry, hottie, if I was staring at you as we left the store and creeped you out, hehe.. But you're so fine! Okay, stop. But anyway, we went to the shops on the opposite side and we let him slip past our hottie radars! Awww... So we decided that what the hell, we'd go and eat first before trying our best to look for him, appear innocent and stalk him! Lol, I definitely had a screw loose in my head today!

We headed to Delicious on Ground Floor, the same place where I met Chanan yesterday as we reminisced about the drunken parties where he either got emo or danced about, and other equally fun and stupid high school times. I had the Carrot Cake while Trinity ordered the tried-tested-and-loved Banofee Pie. If you ever get the chance, try it! It's banana toffee, and extremely yummy. Liked it better than the carrot cake, which I thought was good but the slice was wayyy too huge so I almost couldn't finish it. Overindulgence!

Back to hottie spotting now that we were full, we walked around and around and was getting more and more annoyed as time passed. We almost gave up until... we saw him! And *sob*, we could only walk helplessly past him and a friend as they headed to the old wing. This time, Trinity decided to blame me!

T: Your fault lah! You are the one who walked right past him!
S: Oi! It's not MY dare!

So we dragged our feet back to the old wing. Again, fruitless searching for a stranger-hottie in a black shirt. We finally decided enough was enough. But we were on the escalator when Trinity gasped, and said, "God loves me!" Sure enough, she had spotted him again and this time, it was full-blown stalking. Lol! And then, the opportunity of a lifetime. He rummaged in his pockets, something dropped and he hadn't noticed!

S: Trinity, look!! He dropped something! **oh so blonde**

And then some bugger gets up from the bench where his girlfriend sits patiently, picks it up and RUNS to return it to him. Really RUNS. That was a complete WTF, jaws dropped, cursing the good Samaritian moment. Lol. Don't get me wrong, I obviously like the guy for being so nice and honest but argh, I just would like to kill him for that. ;)

And still we followed till he disappeared into an optical store and Trinity quickly went into... the store next door!

S: Oi!! What are you doing here?! Go lah where he is!
T: Err.. eh, got sale.. *points to a bunch of really ugly wallets*
S: *bursts out laughing uncontrollably and resists sinking to the floor*

Girl, lame excuse! But anyway, he walked past us again and for the last time, we watched him leave. Must've discovered us stalking him and decided to walk past us to see if we'd follow, haha. Ahhhh... Trinity! Three times! Looks like you're gonna have to hit 1-Utama soon to complete that dare and guess what? I'd love to stand 5 racks away behind you just to watch it all happen. ;)

It's called moral support! Us cousins love each other so much, hey?

If you don't mind some shameless cam-whoring that was initiated by Trinity (really :P), then head on over to this post! ;)

I really think that we ought to pull a Swifty and make a web-comic with those pictures. Hehe, might give it a try sometime.

By the way, I take back what I said about Starbucks' cheesecake. I met their supplier last night, who presented us with Marble Cheesecake, biscottis and fruit cakes. Now that slice I had was extremely yummylicious! 5 stars! Starbucks just needs to remember that they should stop serving it after a certain number of days when it only tastes.. chewy. :P

Damn, I should have insisted that they replace my cake.. Why didn't I think of that?!

Anyway, babies, indulge a little more throughout the week and I'll love you muchies if you tell me you gained weight cause I couldn't resist the marble cheesecake today!