Title from song by Evan's Blue

He doesn't want her but he just won't let her go. (Stars: The Big Fight)

My heart is so, so heavy. I can't just break this off. What started off a mundane habit, a fairytale picture, bordering on obsession, a reason to pick fights over, is now like the best, tired-looking sofa that you crash onto, which makes you forget that there are downs and deaths out in this world. I can't forget that I'd be more ignorant, concealed from the ugliness of politics and society without it. Or that it brings out the worst in people when they hear the truth.

Yes, I loved him. I do love him. And I didn't care that I could tell the world about it here. And if you would've died of envy, I would've let you. Of course I had times when I doubted myself, doubted you, doubted anyone else. But with the clarity of words, or sometimes, merely upon sight of the written confessions materialising across the screen, everything becomes crystal and I know what I have to do. This is my bridge across the choppy sea, my ticket across the barren lands and ridges that stand simply to harm and silence the determination I thought i never had.

Right now, I don't know how to walk away. Because I don't want to. This place brings me memories of my shadow that I have left behind, and has always been my destination when I'm broken, or even spilling with joy. I don't want to forget the person I used to be, and this is the best avenue for remembrance.

I'm elsewhere, but I'm still here. Infinitely.