I haven't cried so much since my grandfather's funeral. Everything's so bleak. They think it's him, and maybe they even know it's him, but we're all in denial. How could someone so kind and nice be gone when only a few weeks ago, he was comforting me as we sat folding paper money together? Over the phone last night to my mother, I sobbed, telling her that aside from being my cousin, he's my friend.. She remembered him as a nice fellow too... He's only 19... This isn't right at all..

I'm praying it's not him. I'm praying for his family. God, if you hear me, then please tell me he's okay and comfort his family during this difficult time. It's the 49th day commemorating my grandfather's passing, and it is so unjust to be adding another prayer. Don't let another person walk out of my life, God. Please, just don't let it be true...

This is when I really believe that life isn't fair. Undeserving people just fall victim, succumb to such brutality.. And it makes me wonder how some people can do such things to others and continue to live with themselves. The normality in my life has ceased to exist... How can so much have happened in less than two months? It's like the pillars I've taken for granted in my life have been stolen from me, leaving me to slowly crumble into a mess of tears and mistakes..

I'm praying... I don't know what else I can do...