Fall, Part 4 « I'd hate to sugar-coat my words for you

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Fall, Part 4

(Links to Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)

And so you decide, after much thought and consideration, to let him know. You execute it perfectly, time and place, just as you had mentally rehearsed those thousand times before. She is mumbling something or other about him again, and your frustrations gets the better of you. You blurt out your feelings for her, release the dam that you could no longer restrain. He looks at you apprehensively, as if seeing you in a completely different light. She stops in mid-sentence, and quickly looks away into the distance. The sky somehow looks darker than before.

It's become deadly silent. And frightening cold. The sound of your noisy surroundings has melted away to nothing.

You grip your coffee mug tighter, hoping to derive some warmth from the porcelain. He opens his mouth to speak, but then nothing comes out, and so he shuts it again. The wind blows her hair as she appears lost in thought. You pray silently that you have not done the wrong thing. He's gone back to staring at the table legs, as if they held the answers to everything. She puts down her coffee mug and pulls her sweater tighter around her.

"Please, say something... anything."

"I..."

(I've split the story here, for the guy and girl)

She reaches across the table and takes your hand. You stare at her delicate fingers and then reluctantly look up into her eyes. You could almost fall into those black whirlwind of circles. Just as you always have, you wish you could tell what was going on in that pretty head of hers. It's so hard to sit there without noticing how beautiful she is. It hit you then that you finally comprehend what fantasy writers mean by ethereal beauty.

She runs her thumb over your palm and smiles at you sadly. And you realise that this is the closest you'll ever get to her, physically or mentally. Only one touch, and the little that you can transmit to each other in the short seconds. Before she even speaks, you know what she's going to say.

'I still...'

'Yes, I know. You still have feelings for him..."

She shifts about in her seat, eyes fixed on the ground, like a child being interrogated by the principal. But you both knows she has done nothing wrong. You lift up her chin to silently let her know it's okay to speak her mind. You've come so far; you just want to know. And so she finally looks back at you, a streak of determination in her eyes.

"Yes, I do..."

You've always known; you just needed to hear it from her. And now that you've heard it, you wonder if it was worth it, whether you ought to have silently held on or taken the path you just did, even if it was by accident. You both slump back in your seat, and she's gone a little pale.

The thoughts running through your head don't really make any sense; it seems like there are twenty trains on disaster track, about to collide and crash into some unrecognisable jumble of metal and fire. You tug at your shirt collar. The biting cold has given way to stifling heat that eats away at you. You look at her. She's covered her pretty face with her hands, resting her forehead on the table, resorting to mumbling incoherently.

"Hey, it's okay... It's not your fault."

She looks up again, and you know that it wasn't wrong to tell her. You just needed her to know. Now that that was out of the way, it is up to her what she wants to do about it. She has a choice to make, whether she wants to let him go. You try your best to summon a reassuring smile, your heart struggling to manage an easy task turned arduous.

"I just wanted you to know. I know you still... had feelings for him, but I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer. Somehow, some part of me snapped and realised that if I kept waiting and waiting, the time would never come. I could be standing at a train station now for the train that is never going to come. And I... I just wanted to know if..."

She nods. You know that you didn't just say all that for yourself. It was for her as well. How much longer she could take it, you didn't know. But you do know she deserves better. You take a deep breath; you need to push on.

"You have to decide, girl. How much longer can you push yourself to take everything in your stride? I know it hurts pretending that it doesn't matter he's probably hooking up with someone else now. But it doesn't have to be this way..."

At first, there is shock and anger on her face. Then it all crumbles down to reveal all the hurt she had tried to store away in the dark. Slowly, she washes away the dark secrets written on her face with her tears. You reach out to give her a hug, and she continues crying on your shoulder. You hold her, wishing it would last forever, but you know this will have to do... for now. Wiping away her tears, you whisper in her ears that you're always going to be here for her, whether she decides to continue down the road with him, take a gamble with you, or just let everything go back to the way it was. You push back your chair. It's time to go. She needs time.

She lets go of your hand and kisses you on the cheek. Sadly, you think to yourself that you were wrong before to think that her touch was all you could take away with you from this night. You painfully walk away from her, hoping that maybe tomorrow when she calls with the bad news, you could still go back to being the friends you were a few hours ago...

Posted at 02:02 pm by alynna


	Alynna June 13, 2006 01:56 PM PDT Kyels: Thanks, girl! :) Merv: Good luck.


	mervkwok June 8, 2006 08:18 PM PDT >you could still go back to being the friends you were a few hours ago... oh how i wish this would come true in my case


	Kyels June 8, 2006 05:08 PM PDT Nice one! (:

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