You know you're disorganised when you make it to your first ever lecture, take your seat gratefully, and then suddenly realise that you have no clue which lecture this is.

What an embarassing confession. Next!

Well, the day kicked off with me rushing to the bus-stop after quickly gobbling down my sandwich, only to find out that Ryan gave me the wrong bus times. So I waited. And waited. When I finally spotted the bus, I put out my hand...

The bus just goes past me like I'm invisible. And I'm left staring at it, completely dumbfucked, as it makes its way to my uni with everyone else who will make it on time.

So I decide to calm down. Maybe the next bus will come NOW, just magically appear like the one from Harry Potter (Pris, someone, help me here. Isn't there the word 'Knight' in it?) and I'll be ever so thankful...

When another bus just goes past again.

God help me if I ever meet those bus drivers!

(At this point, I don't care that I don't even know what they look like)

So I had to catch a lift from Ryan, who informed me that the buses don't stop when they're full. Well, screw that, I don't care if I have to sit on someone's lap and break their legs in the process, I want to make it to uni on time!

Now, fast-forward to the lecture. I quickly search my bag for my schedule and oh, it's Introduction to International Relations. Should be interesting.

Well, I was right. And it also made me feel very inferior, stupid and ignorant. Forget about my barely-noticeable blonde streaks now, I ought to just bleach my head blonde to let everyone know, especially the lecturer, that I have no idea what the Cold War is about, sovereign to me just sounds like a nice word to put in front of state, and that I wasn't here in Australia in 2001 (or 2002, whatever) when the whole 'children overboard' happened, so I had no clue what that damn picture was all about until he let us know.

Ask me about the shit that's hit the fan in Malaysia, and maybe I'd have just the briefest idea. Heck, ask me about bird flu (or not). Dammit, and he goes on to say that there is no assumed knowledge for this course. Could've fooled me, buddy.

Bitching aside, he is a very charismatic speaker. I was only drowsy and daydreaming because of my medication. If only he'd stop pacing about. I find it hard concentrating on someone with authority (like a lecturer) speaking if I'm not looking at them, so my neck was slowly feeling the pain. I hope I don't burst out one day at him to stop that annoying habit.

I don't know if I'm cut out for this class. I don't know if I'll be able to cope. Looking at the reading list made me a bit faint. Then again, I suppose uni was never meant to be easy. I do enjoy classes like this with discussions about real issues, looking beyond your own viewpoint, and even seeing things from a politician's eyes. But what if I mess up royally? What if my assessment goes to bits? I want to say that what I get out of the class in terms on personal gains and not results is what really matters but I'd be lying through my teeth.

Hey, admitting my fears and weaknesses is not my expertise, but right now, I think it might as well be. :)

The easy way out of all this is to take Chinese as my elective instead. I never received any formal education in Chinese, so I ought to qualify for it. I won't have to buy a fat textbook on globalisation and world politics. I might just achieve good results for once in more than 2 years. I'll be able to stop reading subtitles and fully understand soppy lines in silly romantic series like Meteor Garden. And stop asking my Taiwanese friends for help with my Mandarin.

But should I? I don't want to regret not giving International Relations a shot. I'm not sure if I'll have electives next semester to mess about with though...

Decisions, decisions... If only they wouldn't impact my life so much... And the worst thing is you'll probably never meet anyone as indecisive as me.